This episode of One Big Yodel is called How Not to Be American in America.
The main character? You guessed it. The Frau.
Now. The Frau has been getting into trouble in America lately. It’s her first summer here in almost a decade so she’s having certain issues.
The first has to do with dogs.
In Europe, dogs go everywhere. In Switzerland, they don’t just ride trains—they have train passes. They even go to restaurants.
Not in America. The Frau knows this. So when Toddler M wanted to take her grandmother’s five-pound poodle to the neighborhood library, The Frau said no. But when Toddler M suggested the park instead, The Frau said yes.
About 15 minutes into the park visit, as Toddler M was proudly showing all the kids the toy poodle, a loud voice yelled from the street: “You cannot have dogs in the park! Some kids are scared of them. You’ll get a ticket from the police!”
One mother told The Frau not to listen to this yelling woman, that the toy poodle was more like a doll than a dog, but The Frau went over to check the sign near the park, and sure enough it said “no dogs.”
Why dogs cannot go to a park makes no sense to The Frau, but The Frau is Swiss in that she follows the rules, so she put the dog into the wagon, much to Toddler M and the other kids’ protests.
Two weeks later, The Frau found out that dogs were also not allowed…in the La Grange Pet Parade. This was all due to some bout of dog flu that had been going around a couple months prior. Again, it seemed ridiculously American to The Frau to have a pet parade without dogs, but so be it.
Then The Frau took Toddler M to the Arboretum.
At the Arboretum in Lisle, IL, there’s a little water pond that kids can play in. While in the pond, Toddler M ripped off her diaper so The Frau retrieved it and threw it away. Toddler M was still wearing a long shirt, so The Frau thought nothing of it. About ten minutes later, The Frau was told “Please put something on your child!“ by an offended old lady. And to think all those kids in Baden, Switzerland ran naked in the public fountains. Nakedness is not allowed in America—even for three year olds. Lesson learned, mitenand.