Baby Bureaucracy

The Frau has been writing a lot. But not on this blog. Because having a baby is a lot of work. Having a baby abroad is even more work–at least when it comes to paperwork.

There are Swiss and international birth certificates, foreigner cards, passport applications, reports of birth abroad and social security forms, plus photos required for several of these forms, not to mention in-person visits to the U.S. Consulate office in Zurich, the migration department in Aarau, and the city office in Baden. All with a baby who can't even hold her head up yet and a mother who wishes she could put hers down on a big, fat pillow.

Oh, and even more interesting—the price you pay for all this bureaucracy:

Swiss and international birth certificates: CHF 30 each, we ordered three and were also charged CHF 1 for shipping.

Swiss foreigner card for baby (side note: somehow, the Swiss are able to even make a two-month-old look criminal in the photo), valid for four months until it must be renewed again, along with the parents’ cards: CHF 143

Passport photos: Three for CHF 10 (ordered from paspic.com—I highly recommend this site for any passport photo)

U.S. passport/birth reports/social security card: CHF 184

TOTAL: CHF 428 (free headaches included)

Swiss C Permit Reject

My husband just returned from Alphorn School. We just had a three hour dinner and German conversation with my Swiss neighbor. And we submitted everything ((including salary statements for three years and forms that stated we did not owe anyone any money (that ironically we had to pay for to receive) the Swiss government requested.))

None of this matters. I’m still a B.

After waiting five years to apply for the C permit, my husband and I were rejected because we went on vacation and therefore missed the short deadline they gave us to complete the paperwork.

Yep. Wait five years and they give you seven days. Nice.

The annoying thing is, the Swiss government knew were gone. Because we had to run around to Aarau at wee hours of the morning and pay CHF 180 for the Visa for the honor of leaving the country at that lovely time when your permit expires but they can’t seem to process another one fast enough in order to avoid you paying them more money for their tardiness.

We came back from our vacation only to collect our mail and realize they had given us only seven days to complete the paperwork—even though they knew we were gone.

The reject letter that came a week later basically said, “better luck next year. You can pick up your B-permits for CHF 220 and you have only 10 days to do so.”

Thanks, Switzerland. We love you too.

Dear Frau: Why is my visa taking so long?

Welcome to another edition of Dear Frau. It’s kind of like Dear Abby, except with an international twist. If you have a question about life in Switzerland, don’t hesitate to contact The Frau. Then maybe your little Frage will be in the next edition of Dear Frau.

Dear Frau,

I'm trying to move to Bern but the process has been halted due to my work visa taking an unheard of amount of time to process. Did you run into any problems like this when you moved there? I keep calling the embassy to find out if it has been accepted, and they just tell me that it's still processing. I'm at my wit's end!

Any other tips would be greatly appreciated as well! I'm really enjoying reading your blog and I'm sure it will be a nice tool for me to use when I finally make it over there.

Thanks,

Visa Vixen

Dear Visa Vixen,

The Frau isn’t sure what an unheard of amount of time is to wait for a visa in Switzerland, except that an unheard of amount of time is normal. I mean, think about it, if good things come to those who wait, then Switzerland is worth its weight in gold. How else could the prices here be so insane?

But The Frau digresses.

Here's the thing: Bureaucracy is slow and stupid on purpose. This is due to one of two phenomenons:

Porn. (It's more exciting than your paperwork.)

Or

Priorities

Look. In most countries, foreigners finish last. In Switzerland, it’s even worse because Swiss people have a train to catch. They have to go to lunch at noon. They have to do their laundry on Wednesday the 17th or wear dirty clothes for another three weeks. They are tired of being on time. And can you blame them? Punctuality is so ingrained in the culture that they can’t wait to slack. And who better to slack with than the foreigners?

So yeah. The Frau is not surprised that you’re still waiting on the visa. But look on the bright side. In the meantime, you’ll have plenty of time to read past columns of Dear Frau for more tips on moving to Switzerland.

Anyone else out there have advice for Visa Vixen?

Do you read Swiss Info’s Write On blog? For the next two months, The Frau will be blabbing over there as well as on One Big Yodel. God save the Internet. Click here to read the latest, where The Frau takes it upon herself to apologize to the entire confederation.

Why does it take so long to get your permit?

As an American in Switzerland, every year, I must renew my B-permit in order to live here legally. In 2008, it took over four months to get my permit renewed. That's a third of a year. Yes. To process one sheet of paper. Other times, it's taken two months, sometimes three. This year is still to be determined, but it's a snail's pace so far--I've already waited over a month.

Because of these amazing lengths of time, I have often wondered what exactly the Migration department in Canton Aargau does with my renewal paper.

Are they making complex origami figures with my paper and displaying it at the Kunsthaus? Are they doing experiments in dust collection? Or are they just too busy looking at porn to bother with my application for B-permit renewal?

Well, now it's official. We can blame the porn.

At least in Zurich, porn is one of the reasons given for problems with the Migration department. Zurich-based solicitor Ueli Vogel-Etienne has cataloged a list of failures on behalf of the migration department: disregard of working hours, routine circulation of porn via the department's email system, staff surfing the Internet during working hours, office workers not ever reachable during office hours. Wow. Switzerland isn't innocent, after all.

As far as I know, Canton Aargau's migration department's efficiency has yet to be investigated. But since I've already waited over a month for my permit to be renewed so far this year, I would recommend a little Aktion on Mr. Vogel-Etinenne's behalf.

After all, it just doesn't make sense that when a Swiss train is one minute late it is cause for a heart attack, but when a foreigner's piece of paper delayed for four months, it is no big deal.

How long have you waited for your permit to be renewed?