Forget groundhogs seeing shadows in Punxsutawney or snowmen being
burned to oblivion in Zurich. Bear poop in Goldau is the real deal predictor of
spring this year.
Did you get the memo? Bears don’t defecate during hibernation. And
they’re the only animals on earth that have this claim to fame. So the first bear poop of the year is quite
the event. Why? Because it signals winter is over. More than an exploding
snowman’s head ever could.
So bye bye, Böögg,
So long, Phil.
And hello, Evi.
 |
| Evi will tell us when spring is coming. |
Evi is a Swiss bear who’s been in hibernation since November at the Nature
and Animal Park Goldau. And it’s up to you, Yodelers, to guess that day she
will wake up and defecate.
You can do
so at www.baereschiss.ch
The Frau is
not making this up. Helly Hansen is. In fact, the Helly Hansen Workwear
Center’s Winter Clearance sale is going to begin the moment Evi poops—and it
includes discounts on winter wear as large as her shit pile. (Excuse The Frau’s
French. But it is an official Swiss language.)
Now. The Frau used to be quite amused by Swiss sales, or rather, by the lack
of them. She used to look forward to January and July because those were the
only months she could buy something Swiss at a discount.
To think: A spring sale is possible in Switzerland,
Yodelers! One that depends on a bear to poop out a discount, no less. Wow. And
to think The Frau is in the U.S. right now. Sigh. That’s why you, Yodelers,
must make up for The Frau’s lack of attendance.
Just think:
It’s the best of all possible worlds.
It’s Switzerland both with a sale and a sense of humor.
If you want
to show your support for such Swiss sales creativity (and who wouldn’t?),
here’s how:
Go to www.baereschiss.ch and enter the date you think Evi will announce it’s spring this year. Then, make sure to attend the Big Bear Shit
Weighing Event (date TBD), which will answer the question: How much discount did the bear defecate?
After that
is determined, all shoppers for Helly Hansen winter clothing, whether for work,
sport, or leisure, will share the glory of this discount.
Now that’s
what The Frau calls a real Swiss deal.
Viel Spass, mitenand.
