Discovering Who I Am

Does living abroad help define you as a person? Before I moved abroad I defined myself like this: one-quarter Italian, one-quarter Polish, one-fifth English, 12.5 percent Danish, 10.5 percent Swedish and seven percent German. That was me. Really.

But while I could easily pass for a European with my name alone, there was, unfortunately, the rest of me. My language options were English or English; I thought all cheese was bright orange; and I wore things like sweatpants – in public.

I had a lot to learn. It wasn't until one day, a few months after moving to Switzerland, that I looked down at my Nikes as I was standing among a sea of stilettos and realized something: I was an American.

Happy 4th of July.

To read more, check out my essay, Hello Heritage, in Swiss News this month.

American Spirit in Switzerland

The American team won a game. Not lost. Not tied. Won. Yes. So to honor this great accomplishment, my husband and I set up our American flag on a tripod to give Switzerland a little Yankee spirit.

The whole world feels like it's on some strange vacation. Business people fill the streets (and bars) by 16.00. There's a strange phenomenon going around known as World Cup voice (i.e. it means you have no voice). And you can tell who is winning by not even watching the games due to the screams in the streets.

Have you been playing hooky from work? I mean, have you been watching the World Cup?

Dear Frau: Save me from the smoke!

Welcome to the latest edition of Dear Frau. It's kind of like Dear Abby, except with an international twist. If you have a question about life in Switzerland, be sure to contact the Frau and maybe your little Frage will be in the next Dear Frau column. And as always, the Frau does not have all the answers and welcomes your solutions to these questions in the comments section.

Dear Frau,

I lovvvvvvvvvvvvve Switzerland. It's beautiful, safe, and clean. But why is it that a person cannot walk down the streets of Bern or Zurich without having cigarette smoke sprayed in their face. I am constantly bombarded by the vile smoke while eating at outdoor cafes, walking down the street, and waiting for a train. What do you suggest I do or say the next time this occurs?

Sincerely,

An American Who Lives in and Loves Switzerland

Dear An American Who Lives in and Loves Switzerland,

The Frau is also fed up with living in a cloud of smoke. Or is that fog?

Sometimes it’s hard to tell in Switzerland. The sky is always gray no matter what.

Cough.

That’s how you tell.

Anyway, the Frau has had clothes ruined, had to change offices, and endured red eyes all so a bunch of Swiss people could voluntarily give themselves cancer.

Even though we Americans learned at a young age that the mere sight of a cigarette might kills us, the Swiss don’t care because despite their habits, they have the fourth longest life expectancy in the world.

Maybe you’ve seen some of them hiking the Alps in that not-so-fresh-anymore mountain air. One of them was once my father-in-law. Sorry. He wanted to be more Swiss.

Anyhow, let’s get to the point. Your question was what to do or say. The Frau doesn’t really know what to tell you because anyone that buys something that clearly says “it kills” on the package is probably beyond help. But here are some things the Frau and her friends have done for the cause, including the various Swiss responses:

Test One: Put up an ad campaign in her Zurich office showing images of non-smokers’ lungs vs. smokers’ lungs with labels matching appropriate employee names with the images.

Response from chain-smoking boss: Laugh. Cough. Laugh. Nice try, but that crap doesn’t work with me. Puff.

The Frau’s response: Fine, she wants a new office.

Test Two: A Swiss friend asked a man smoking a cigar at a soccer game in Basel to please put it out so the Frau could sing the American national anthem without choking.

Response from cigar smoker: Ok. Puff. Put out cigar under seat.

The Frau’s response: The most she’s ever cheered at a soccer game.

Test Three: Gave dirty look to man smoking in train car.

Response: He went out into the hallway and continued smoking there.

The Frau’s response: Bathroom break. The air smelled better there.

Other ways to protest when you get smoked on: Fart. Spit. Spray air freshener.

Fight back, non-smokers, fight back.

The good news is that it has now been many decades since science proved that smoking sucks, so now that an extremely long time has passed, some restaurants and bars in Switzerland are finally listening. Change is good, Switzerland. Really.

And look on the bright side. Those cigarette butts give the street sweeper a reason for being. He needs one, poor guy.

How do you respond to all this Swiss smoke?

More Americans give up citizenship

This weekend, the New York Times had an interesting article, "More American Expatriates Give Up Citizenship." It discussed banking issues as well as double taxation as the main reasons for American expatriates to give up their citizenship.

Financially, at least, giving up American citizenship can make sense. First of all, as American expatriates, we are treated as suspect criminals by our own government. Every year, Americans abroad must fill out a form stating their foreign bank accounts. Failure to do this can be costly: jail time and $500,000 fines. What? For having a bank account in a country that I live in? Excuse me for living, but every time I fill out this form, I somehow feel violated.

Look, I'm not about to give up my U.S. citizenship because then I would be homeless. But the U.S. government needs to stop treating those of us supporting their country without even living in it a break.

Americans are the only citizens in the industrialized world that are double-taxed. It's taxation without representation and our former tea party throwers would be disappointed in us. No other industrialized nation taxes citizens not living in the country. Yes, the U.S. government allows the first $91,400 of a salary to be double-tax free and this may be well and fine if you live in Mexico or a country with a low standard of living. But as most expats in Switzerland know, a 90k salary doesn't get you a heck of a lot here. Throw in taxes times two, and Americans are at a competitive disadvantage in most of Europe, particularly in expensive countries with coordinating high salaries like Switzerland and Norway.

Here's the thing as well: say an American has a child abroad. Born in Switzerland to American parents, the child would not be Swiss, they would be American. They may never live in the United States in their life. But they would pay American taxes. Please tell me how this makes sense.

In my view, the more Americans abroad, the better for America. Our country badly needs citizens that understand their place in the world, that understand other cultures, that speak other languages, and that can see beyond their 3-car garage. We need people that are open-minded and based on the expatriates I know, this describes many of the 5.2 million Americans abroad. But our government's policies don't make being an American abroad very appealing at a time when it has never been more critical for other nations to see us in a different light.

Anyhow, enough with this little raclette rant. What do you think? Do you think Americans abroad have taxation without representation? Have you had trouble getting a bank account in Switzerland because you're an American?

Swiss Survival Kits

Hello Yodelers,

Tomorrow, stay tuned for another sorry soul who needs your help. I mean, stay tuned for the Dear Frau column. Thanks to all who gave advice last week on what to pack when moving to Switzerland. But in the meantime, some news and links for you:

Last week, I was over on Expatica giving advice on how to save money in Switzerland. Yes, it's possible.

Yesterday, I was over at ACC talking about the 25 ways you know you're in Switzerland. For instance, does every other country you visit now seem cheap?

And today I'm over at Two Fools in Zurich, trying to explain why Americans are so creative in German class.

Finally, I just started offering a Swiss Survival Kit, in other words, specially chosen items of interest for Yodelers on Amazon.com. Any items you order directly from this site will get me a profit of 4%. I can't wait to get rich. I might even make enough to buy a ketchup packet from the Swiss McDonald's! But mainly, I want to help, and these are the items that helped me survive this crazy country. If there are other items you've found helpful that I should know about, please leave a comment and I'll add them to the survival kit.

Common “mistakes” made by expats in Switzerland

Every country has its culture and its quirks and when you start living in a new one, you realize just how different things are. Below are some “mistakes” I’ve made as an American living in Switzerland. Maybe you can relate.

Smiling. The Swiss will think you’re retarded. I have now trained myself not to smile in order to look somewhat normal. But sometimes I still can’t help it.

Showing enthusiasm when your boss says, “We’ve got a new project and we might need you to work overtime.” Don’t smile and say “great.” He will think you’re crazy. (And let’s be honest, no sane person would want to work overtime except an American.)

Not knowing that without your permit, you can do nothing. You can’t get a phone (except for a pre-pay cell), you can’t travel outside the country, and you can’t do much of anything else. Except wait.

Decorating your office space with photos and personal items. The Swiss prefer white walls in the office and keep their personal lives separate from work.

Not realizing that when a Swiss criticizes the way you do laundry or gardening, that this is just their way of being friendly and saying hello.

Standing in line. There is no such concept, despite misconceptions that everything in this country is organized to the 10th of a second. The only people who stand in line are expats.

Not getting that sandwich right at noon. There might not be any left at 12.30 p.m. And all a Swiss colleague will say to you is, “you should have been more on time.”

Opening the window on a Swiss train. It doesn’t matter how hot it is. Most Swiss hate drafts and will prefer to sweat.

Not introducing yourself to a Swiss first. Most Swiss people generally will not come to you.

Not being patient. Everything in Switzerland takes forever. Getting paid by the unemployment people. Making friends. Getting your permit.

Asking for butter. They just don’t use that stuff on bread here. And if you do manage to ask for some, you’ll be charged for it.

Ok, I’ve embarrassed myself enough. What “mistakes” have you made as an expat in Switzerland?

This post was written on behalf of AffordableCallingCards.net, a new expat community blog. This blog offers affordable calling cards in Switzerland as well as information about living in abroad in Switzerland and many other countries.

Something to see in France

It's been a month since I went to Provence, but I forgot to write about something amazing that I saw.

While I've been to France four times in the last seven years, I had yet to witness a French person being remotely grateful (or even pleasant) to an American, even though without our grandfathers, they'd be speaking German.

So imagine my surprise, to be wandering Arles, only to run into a gigantic rock with 2 American soldiers' pictures on them. Yes. There is an actual monument to honor two Americans. You are not mistaken in what you have just read. The monument honors two Lieutenents who crashed in Arles in 1944 while defending France during WWII. "City of Arles Grateful Recognition, For our liberty," read the stone.

I almost did a double take. But it was real. Of course, it took the city 58 years to bring themselves to admit such a thing (the rock was dedicated in 2002). But even so, that's a big step for the French and I appreciate their efforts.

Never mind being Van Gogh's town, it's the whole rock thing that definitely makes Arles the best city in France, at least for an American looking to soothe their soul a bit after being treated like Merde by the French. I highy recommend it.