Doing Breaststroke in the Swiss Freestyle Lane, Oh my!

Lately, The Frau has been disturbing Swiss order in a big, fat unintentional American way.

First, if you’ll remember, she had the nerve to think that banana bread could be a substitute for Zopf at a Swiss daycare birthday party for her daughter.

Then, she ventured to do one length of breaststroke in the freestyle and backstroke lane at the pool in Zurich. How dare she think she could get away with that, yodelers!

Finally, after these two incidents within a week, when buying a couple of train tickets for her parents, she asked two different SBB clerks in Baden to double check that she could use a both a Mitfahrbillet and a Mitnahme GA together with her own GA (Swiss train pass).

SBB Rules: One conductor had
her own version of them.
Photo: Brian Opyd

Ja ja, was the reply, after much research and phone calling on the SBB ticket agent side—because who the heck would try to combine two SBB promotions other than a cheapskate American expat…

But nevertheless, three train connections into their Mitfahrbillet, Mitnahme GA, and GA journey, The Frau was told she broke the rules (how dare she use these two ticket combinations together!) by an SBB train conductor. The Frau argued her way out in crappy Deutsch, finally ending the 10-minute discussion with a, “Dass ist nicht mein Problem that in your eyes the rules are different than the SBB ticket agents in Baden.”

Go Frau!

“Well I'll let it go this time,” said the SBB train conductor (finally!), “but don’t go doing something like this ever again!”

(A classic example of Swiss customer service.)

All of these experiences made The Frau realize how she never, no matter how long she lives in Switzerland, quite fits in. No matter how hard she tries to follow Swiss rules, she always ends up interpreting them in an American way.

In other words, she always assumes more leniency, customer service, and friendliness than she receives. She can’t help it. And it doesn’t matter that her American husband plays the alphorn or that they both play Jass. After 7+ years in Switzerland, they still can’t seem to play by what’s most important: the rules.

A loaf of banana bread in a sea of Zopf

The Frau is a loaf banana bread in a sea of Zopf.

Let her explain.

Baby M had a birthday. At her daycare, parents are encouraged to bring a loaf of Zopf (Swiss sweet bread) instead of cake. A recipe for Zopf (written in German) was given to all parents a few months ago.

As a working mother, however, The Frau has limited time to bake on a weeknight and thus no tolerance for a German recipe for something she’s never made before. Being the black sheep that she is, she assumed that something similar to Zopf, such as banana bread, would be an acceptable alternative.

So after work, in between making dinner and taking care of Baby M, she somehow managed to cook a loaf of banana bread.

The next morning, however, the daycare explained that cake was not acceptable even though The Frau had made banana BREAD. No explanation mattered. Her efforts were not acceptable. Nothing, in fact would be acceptable. Except a loaf of Zopf.

The worst part is, The Frau should have known better. Nothing in this rejected world of American banana bread surprised her. The fact that she had created a creative alternative demonstrated that she will never be Swiss. No matter how much Zopf eats.

So Baby M had no daycare birthday party since the banana bread was rejected right in front of her. Luckily, Baby M didn’t really understand. But in another year, the whole incident probably would have caused her to hang her head in shame, to have such a loaf banana bread in a world of Zopf for a mother.

Oh well. One loaf of rejected banana bread later, The Frau a Swiss lesson learned has. And Baby M all the more banana bread to herself enjoyed.

Swiss Price Rant

The Frau sometimes feels so integrated in Switzerland that she forgets that spending CHF 20 ($22) on a lunch that she will eat at her desk is actually, in fact, not a very good deal!

Nothing like a Spain vacation to bring her back to Swiss reality.

For every 1.50 Euro ($2) beer, yodelers, the Spanish gave The Frau a FREE tapas. After seven years of being charged for dinner roles even though her CHF 25 ($27.50) schnitzel wasn’t exactly a bargain, The Frau had forgotten about FREE.

After Switzerland, eating in the rest
of the world seems cheap.

In Spain, she had three-course lunches including coffee and a drink for the price of one glass of Swiss mineral water.

She had a churro made fresh on the spot for 60 cents ($.81).

She bought fresh olives at a market for 1.50 ($2).

The only purchase she questioned?

Why she had bought a round-trip ticket.

Forgive The Frau, Switzerland. But it’s her first week back since going to Spain and she is having a little lunch remorse. Can you blame her? She just spent CHF 9 ($10) for one TAKE-AWAY sandwich.

Sadly, she wanted chips and an apple from the GROCERY STORE too. Another CHF 6 ($6.60) down the tubes, all so The Frau could have a romantic lunch AT HER DESK and gaze out at THE FOG.

MEGA UN-COOL.

But don’t worry, Switzerland. The Frau isn’t leaving again anytime soon. So in 72.56 hours (approximately), she will most likely go back to thinking overpriced is normal.

The best description of Zurich ever

David Sedaris was in Zurich last weekend, so The Frau went to hear him give a reading from his new book, Let's Explore Diabetes With Owls.

Unfortunately, half of the readings were given by Sedaris' German translator in German. 

Let's Explore Zurich with Rich Old
People Who Imagine Things
Children Would Like

The Frau doesn’t know about most people there, but she and the Austrian woman in front of her in the book signing line were quite disappointed to go to a reading given by one of their favorite American authors only to watch him sit silently on stage for half the time.

The Frau was also surprised because Switzerland is a country of linguistically talented people who usually prefer their movies (and books) in original languages, unlike Germany, where they dub everything.  

Never mind. The Frau is digressing.

The point, yodelers, is that during the Q & A, Sedaris described Zurich in a way The Frau has never heard before. His summary of the city: 

Zurich is a place where rich old people sit around imagining toys children would like.

This is possibly the best description of Zurich The Frau has ever heard.

The reality of course (hate to break it to the rich, imaginative Zurich old people) is that babies (even Swiss ones) couldn’t care less if their toy is perfectly sculpted and hand-painted in Switzerland or made in China with cheap plastic. Either way, it is drooled on and let out in the rain.

Baby M, who has both expensive Swiss Made blocks as well as the Wal-Mart version, leaves both sets out in the rain equally happily. The Frau is the problem because she gets angrier when the expensive Swiss Made blocks get wet. China products are much less stressful.

A film about third culture kids

The Road Home is a short film about belonging.

The Frau was looking for a short film to watch during Baby M’s nap last week when what should appear in her inbox but an e-mail from the director of the Academy Award shortlisted film, The Road Home, inviting her to watch his film for free.

Since nothing is ever free in Switzerland, The Frau does not say no to free—especially something free that interests her.

The film, The Road Home, specifically deals with expat themes—mainly with the topic of third culture kids. Now that The Frau is a mother of a toddler who says no in two languages, it’s a subject that interests (and worries) her.

Third culture kids (kids who grow up outside of their parents’ culture) often struggle with a sense of belonging. In The Road Home, a young boy who looks Indian but is British, struggles with identity while at a boarding school in India.

Thanks to the generosity of director Rahul Gandotra (himself a third culture kid), The Frau is able to invite all yodelers to also watch The Road Home for free.

If you’re a parent abroad, do you struggle with the idea of raising a third culture kid? Or did you grow up as one? If so, how was your experience?

All I learned about Swiss wine I learned from a French guy

The Frau has a French friend who lives in Switzerland. Let’s call him Jean-Claude. Jean-Claude really loves wine. Can you blame him? He’s from Burgundy.

Jean-Claude collects international wines, never mind the border limitations. His idea of a vacation is to go vineyard hopping and wine shopping. He has over 800 bottles of wine in his wine cellar in Ehrendingen. You don’t eat dinner at his house without the proper wine for the proper course.

You could say Jean-Claude is a wine snob. It’s not exactly Pommard or nothing, but unlike The Frau, he’s not going to show up at The Picnic Etude in Baden with plastic cups and a Robert Mondavi. He pimps his picnic with proper wine glasses and wine courses—even when he knows he’ll be dining al fresco with Baby M, who uses a picnic blanket like a dance floor.

Baby M or not, “plastic cup” is not in Jean-Claude’s vocabulary. But surprisingly, “Swiss wine” is.

For those who also like hiking through vineyards,
the wine trail in Graubuenden is beautiful
(and stroller friendly!)

Swiss wine, as many know, does not have much of a reputation. This is mainly because unlike cheese and chocolate, Swiss wine is not exported. All the more reason you should drink it when you are in Switzerland. Where will you find the good stuff? Jean-Claude (and now The Frau) shop at Cortis. Or if you’re looking for delivery, there is a new start-up called Wiine.me (however, it has not yet been Jean-Claude tested or The Frau approved).

In any case, here are some Swiss wines to try.

Sottobosco, Rosso del Ticino 2010 (By far The Frau’s absolute favorite Swiss wine, Merci, Jean-Claude, for the introduction.)

Gewürztraminer, Svizzera Italiana 2011

Assemblage Rouge Reserve Hurlevent,Les Fils de Charles Favre, AOC Valais 2011 (This wine is usually available at COOP and Manor.)

Anyone else want to share their favorite Swiss wine?