Don't Blame Americans For Being Fat. But The Swiss Have No Excuse.

Ok, Yodelers. The Frau has determined that how a culture takes care of their pools and how they swim in these pools says a lot.

As she wrote in Swiss Life: 30 Things I Wish I’d Known, Swiss people are hard to swim in a pool with. For some reason, every person in a Swiss pool can’t wait to swim right into your space. The Frau was always having collisions with people when she swam in Swiss pools. 

It’s so interesting, because an American pool can be very crowded with swimmers, but somehow no one runs into one another. Maybe everyone is more polite in the U.S. Or maybe they have more sensitivity to personal space. Or maybe they’re just more worried about lawsuits. The Frau is not sure what it is, but Americans are much more pleasant to swim with.

A crowded, but pristine Swiss pool

But, on the flip side, American pools are not pleasant. American pools, when they're actually open and accessible, are very dirty by Swiss standards (but then again, so is the entire world). In Switzerland, pools are cleaned at least every three weeks. The Frau is convinced that the pool she swims at in her American town is maybe cleaned once a year. That’s being generous, Yodelers. It’s really gross, but there aren’t many options other than gross unless you want to pay the price of a small mortgage every month to swim at a private club.

Unfortunately, recreational facilities are, like everything else in the U.S., up to Swiss standards only if you are willing to pay obscene amounts of money–and possibly drive miles to get to them. Unlike in Switzerland where spotless examples of recreational facilities are everywhere and for everyone, recreation is only for the well-to-do in America and only if you are lucky to live in a location where they exist. Everyone else is fat and without options.

It’s quite sad that Americans don’t invest in recreational facilities like the Swiss do. (But then again, American governments don't invest in much of anything except themselves and war these days…roads, public transport, schools…everything is suffering…why not recreational facilities too?)

So. Can you blame Americans for being overweight? If it costs four times the amount to go to a decent pool in the U.S. as it does in Switzerland (even more if you consider that most Americans make less money than the Swiss), maybe we shouldn’t blame Americans for being fat. Maybe we should blame the lack of investment in public recreational facilities instead.

What do you think?

Missing the pristine

One of the things The Frau loves most about Switzerland is hiking. The paths are plentiful (60,000 km +) and pristine, and The Frau’s most recent experience last month demonstrates just how pristine.

path at 10:30 a.m.

To the right is a picture of the path to the Majingsee (near Leukerbad) around 10:30 a.m.

path at 3 p.m.

And to the left is a picture of that same path around 3 p.m. Yes. Heaven forbid a few fall leaves cover the path, but the leaf blower was doing his job in the middle of the Alps on a Monday. It seems excessive, this Swiss version of care, and yet when you get used to it and then don’t have it anymore, you miss it intensely.

The Salt Creek Trail, a trail in the Chicago suburbs where The Frau likes to inline skate, has been covered in leaves for the last few weeks, meaning she can no longer skate on the trail. And last year, the La Grange Park District just couldn't seem to put in the effort to make their outdoor ice rink useable even one time during the winter. It’s times like these when she really misses Switzerland. 

In fact, it doesn’t take much to feel like you’re living in a third world country after Switzerland. The Frau swims at the local high school pool in her American suburb and they’ve cleaned it once in the last year. Once. Someone in The Frau’s swim group told her  that sometimes the Department of Health shows up and closes the pool down. Even the air vents in the room are so filthy that one of the swimmers with asthma can no longer swim because of the room’s air quality.

This makes The Frau wonder—why? Why can’t a school pool that’s in a wealthy suburb, for which she pays the equivalent Swiss price to use (and for worse hours and service) not be regularly cleaned? It’s in a school! Is care and cleanliness in America too much to ask anymore?

Some might say the problem is money, but The Frau pays more in American taxes than she ever did in Swiss taxes. As she reads more and more books on political issues (Elizabeth's Warren's A Fighting Chance is a great one), it’s clear that while the average American taxpayer pays more and more, they get less and less for that honor. In the meantime, the billionaires are building their own pools in their backyards while the rest of us have access to a dirty pool twice a week for 1.5 hours beginning at 5:30 a.m. If that’s not inequality in America, The Frau doesn’t know what is.

Doing Breaststroke in the Swiss Freestyle Lane, Oh my!

Lately, The Frau has been disturbing Swiss order in a big, fat unintentional American way.

First, if you’ll remember, she had the nerve to think that banana bread could be a substitute for Zopf at a Swiss daycare birthday party for her daughter.

Then, she ventured to do one length of breaststroke in the freestyle and backstroke lane at the pool in Zurich. How dare she think she could get away with that, yodelers!

Finally, after these two incidents within a week, when buying a couple of train tickets for her parents, she asked two different SBB clerks in Baden to double check that she could use a both a Mitfahrbillet and a Mitnahme GA together with her own GA (Swiss train pass).

SBB Rules: One conductor had
her own version of them.
Photo: Brian Opyd

Ja ja, was the reply, after much research and phone calling on the SBB ticket agent side—because who the heck would try to combine two SBB promotions other than a cheapskate American expat…

But nevertheless, three train connections into their Mitfahrbillet, Mitnahme GA, and GA journey, The Frau was told she broke the rules (how dare she use these two ticket combinations together!) by an SBB train conductor. The Frau argued her way out in crappy Deutsch, finally ending the 10-minute discussion with a, “Dass ist nicht mein Problem that in your eyes the rules are different than the SBB ticket agents in Baden.”

Go Frau!

“Well I'll let it go this time,” said the SBB train conductor (finally!), “but don’t go doing something like this ever again!”

(A classic example of Swiss customer service.)

All of these experiences made The Frau realize how she never, no matter how long she lives in Switzerland, quite fits in. No matter how hard she tries to follow Swiss rules, she always ends up interpreting them in an American way.

In other words, she always assumes more leniency, customer service, and friendliness than she receives. She can’t help it. And it doesn’t matter that her American husband plays the alphorn or that they both play Jass. After 7+ years in Switzerland, they still can’t seem to play by what’s most important: the rules.

Where to Swim in Zurich

It’s sunny? Wait. Are you really in Zurich? Check. Double check. Yes? Great, then it’s time to go swimming! How many cities, after all, feature lakes and rivers to swim in, neither of which pose major health risks? Below are The Frau’s three favorite Zurich swim spots.

Bad Utoquai

To swim with the Swiss swans in Lake Zurich, head to Bad Utoquai. It’s open rain or shine until September 22 from 7 a.m. until 8 p.m. It features separate men’s and women’s-only sunning terraces, two shallow areas for non-swimmers, as well as a diving board, which for reasons The Frau is still determining, is only on the men’s side.

The Frauenbad

If you’re a woman and you’re more about sunning than swimming, then the Frauenbad is for you. Women only by day and co-ed bar by night, this Limmat River swimming area features a 31-meter long “play” area and a 33-meter swimming area. Or just do what the locals do—bring your MacBook Pro and type away while topless.

Hallenbad City

Just because the sun was out at the beginning of this post, does not mean it still is now. So for days that turn out less than spectacular, head to Hallenbad City. This newly renovated 50-meter pool is open daily from 6 a.m. until 10 p.m. It features four different lanes for appropriate swimming seriousness, which The Frau greatly appreciates.

Prices and Entry

All Zurich swimming areas cost CHF 7 per entry for adults, but The Frau recommends the 12-pass (ask for a Kombi12), which gives you 12 entries for the price of 10. It is valid at all Zurich pools (and some ice rinks too). You can also purchase a yearly swim pass for CHF 220.

(Note: If you’re looking for areas to swim in Switzerland outside of Zurich, The Frau suggests that you click here.)

Where’s your favorite place to swim in Zurich?

The Frau is not Naked

What is it about naked people in Switzerland? Naked hiking was so popular in Appenzell that they had to pass a law against it. Not to mention all the topless sunbathers lounging around in the middle of Zurich.

Swiss people love to get naked. But Americans, well, we don’t really do naked. We may dress sloppy, but we don’t pull off our clothes in the middle of the city the minute the sun appears like The Frau has witnessed people doing in Zurich.

Using your imagination, add naked sunbather here.

No, we Americans are prude and proud. We freak out about seeing a woman breastfeeding. We freaked out when Janet Jackson bared a breast during the Superbowl. We call topless pictures of women porn, while the Swiss call them everyday news—at least if dailies like Blick have anything to say about it.

The Frau has something to say about all these naked Swiss people. It’s that she feels strange not being naked among them. But no matter how many women strip down to their birthday suits in Swiss swimming pool showers or sun topless along the Limmat, The Frau is, at the very least, wearing her entire swimsuit.

So even in the shower at the pool, The Frau looks like a foreigner. And every time she realizes this, she wonders—would she rather be naked? But then again, she is naked—at least in her foreignness. And that—for now, anyway—is all the nakedness she needs.

Swimming in Switzerland: 5 Fun Places

In hopes to encourage summer to make its appearance again, the Frau has decided to write about swimming in Switzerland. Yes, Switzerland is landlocked. But despite having no oceanfront, Switzerland still offers many wonderful places to swim in the summer. Below are five great options.

Caumasee

Lake Cauma (Caumasee)

Dive into this sparkling turquoise jewel near Flims in Graubünden or just flirt with a few local men. (Graubünden, according to a Swiss friend, is the canton where Swiss German speakers have the sexiest accent.) Other options? Rent a paddleboat and enjoy the water ohne goosebumps.

  

Lake Lungern

Drink the water? Swim in the water? At Lake Lungern, you could do either. The water is drinking-quality pure and one part of the lake has a swimming area complete with a sandy beach and water slide. You can also hike or bike around the entire lake, as the Frau has done.

Lake Zurich: Seebad Utoquai

Swim with the swans or tan on the deck—in any weather. Unlike some lidos along Lake Zurich, this historic one is open May 12-September 23 from 7 a.m. until 8 p.m. in all weather conditions. 

Aare River

How many capital cities in the world have a river? And how many of these rivers can you swim in without a major health risk? The Frau doesn't know of many unpolluted rivers in world capitals, but she does know that you can swim in Bern's river. Here, every summer, hundreds of people take to the Aare, the longest river in Switzerland.

Lake Geneva: Bellerive Plage

C'est beau to live in Lausanne. Naturally, this Olympic city is home to a wonderful summer swimming facility that includes–what else?–an Olympic-sized pool. Celebrating its 75^th anniversary, Bellerive also includes a family pool, an aquatic park, 20 ping pong tables, and a lovely location by the lake.

Where do you like to swim in Switzerland?

The high quality of life in Zurich

You hear all the time that Zurich has one of the highest quality of life ratings in the world.

But what does this mean?

I figured this out a couple weeks ago.

It was one of those boiling hot days when sitting in the office was almost unbearable. So about 11:45, I went to Seebad Utoquai and spent an entire hour swimming in Lake Zurich. While there, I ran into five other work colleagues.

"Do you come here often?" I asked, as I joined them on the deck for a few minutes after my swim.

"Every day," they replied.

Now that's what I call a great quality of life.

Take off your Top: Zurich Swim Culture

I didn’t know that the real definition of Frauenbad was topless sunbathing area, but I now am more educated.

Actually, at the Zürich Frauenbad, you get both extremes: from women fully covered in burkinis to women wearing nothing but their g-strings. Personally, I preferred the burkinis. But the men lingering on their little boats (and out on the balcony of the office building overlooking the Frauenbad) were definitely there for the latter.

I guess nothing says you’re in Europe like women sunbathing topless on a river deck and men on little boats in even smaller red speedos staring at these women through matching red sunglasses.

Previously, I had only been to the Frauenbad at night, when it is converted into a barefoot bar open to both sexes.

It’s much more interesting during the day.

Pool Party

You can tell a lot about another country by going to the pool.

In the United States, just mention the word “lightning” and every local pool will be evacuated by the lifeguards.

In Switzerland, hear thunder, see lightning, and people keep swimming. Like they did yesterday evening during the big storm.

This sums up the difference between the United States and Switzerland in a nutshell: One country is run by the lawyers. And one country is run by the people.

Which kind of government do you prefer?