Toddler German Class in America

Toddler M is taking German class once a week, as of last Friday. The Frau is not sure if it will be effective or not (is three hours once a week enough to learn a language?), but she had to at least try one session for the sake of her daughter, since she knows first-hand how painful it is to try to learn a language when you’re old.

Toddler M’s summer German class is held in a park near a beautiful brick building with a clock tower. If the setting didn’t come complete with parking spaces the size of some small European countries, it could almost pass as Swiss.

Anyway, The Frau sat in on the first 20 minutes of the class because Toddler M didn’t want her to leave. While the teacher spoke German most of the time, she would still switch to English to discipline or tell the children to be quiet when someone else was speaking.

The Frau found all of this English unnecessary, but maybe this is because she is used to the real-deal-throw-your-daughter-into-a-Swiss-German-world-at-six-months-old-and wish-her-the-best-while-you-go-to-work method. And she has to say, this method works.

Because after class, the teacher reported that Toddler M knew a lot of German already and had a lot of potential. It was good to hear that her first three years in Switzerland had some impact and also that the YouTube videos in German that The Frau makes her watch are most likely helping too.

But in general, The Frau still wonders: How does an average American child learn a foreign language? The answer: They don’t.

American culture still seems to believe that learning a second language is either for poor immigrants in an ESL program or a luxurious pastime for rich kids. Language learning is not a serious undertaking supported by American tax dollars nor are there many programs for complete immersion even if you are willing to spend half your salary on them. It’s too bad because The Frau believes a second language for all Americans could be the key to a better understanding of the world for our citizens.

Not to mention, language learning is fun, at least if you ask Toddler M. After the class she said in a very happy English, “Mommy, I really love German!”

So needless to say, it was all worth it.

Language Learning in America

The Frau spent last weekend with some expat friends who were visiting the States from Switzerland. Their daughter, Toddler S, speaks Swiss German. And when The Frau heard her speak, she couldn’t believe how much she had missed hearing the language.

But the best part was that Toddler M and Toddler S played like they had never been apart. Although they were starting to play exclusively in Swiss German back in September, this time Toddler M spoke English and Toddler S spoke Swiss German. But they understood each other perfectly. Kids these days.

Anyway, that fact that Toddler M still understood Swiss German six months after leaving it behind made The Frau extremely happy. One of her big regrets lately is that Toddler M isn’t being immersed in another language at the time in her life when it is so easy for her to learn.

Sure, every Tuesday, Toddler M gets approximately 30 minutes of Spanish at her preschool, which is the American idea of language learning, but The Frau longs for a preschool that immerses the child completely instead of teaching the language like a class. The Chicago area has several of these preschools, but alas, none are in her very white and English-speaking neighborhood.

So. The Frau is doing the best she can. This means that Toddler M watches a lot of Peppa Wutz and Bummi on YouTube, she meets with a German expat and her child once a week at the local library (which involves more German for The Frau than for Toddler M, but that's another story), and this summer she’ll go to German School. Granted, this German School is American in that it only takes place for three hours once a week, but hopefully it will be enough for Toddler M to keep her language retention going. Another part of the American Experiment continues…

Frohe Ostern, mitenand.

The Frau can read Swiss German

Attention, yodelers. Here is something The Frau had lost hope for…and yet, guess what? The Frau is reading...and getting the double meaning...of...wait...you guessed it...a Swiss German magazine headline! Not bad, since Swiss German isn’t even supposed to be a written language.

A South African colleague at her office in Zurich once reassured The Frau that she would start understanding Swiss German once she had kids. He was right.

This is proof.

Because here, yodelers, in the Via Magazine (freebie magazine available on Swiss trains), is a headline, “Schiffli fahre uf em See.” The Frau recognized it immediately—not only could she understand its meaning, but she also knew it was the title of a very popular Swiss children’s nursery song about a boat (all Swiss kids seem to sing it–even non-Swiss kids like Toddler M). 

Needless to say, The Frau was very proud of her comprehension. In fact, she was so proud that she must have looked ridiculous, grinning and gloating over such a simple headline.

It was definitely an Erfahren. Appropriate, since that was the title of the magazine section.

Achtung. Shameless self-promotion part. Did you enjoy reading about Swiss life? Then you might enjoy The Frau’s new book, Swiss Life: 30 Things I Wish I’d Known. It even has a section on language. Available at fine online retailers and on Zurich’s most famous shopping street too (Bahnhofstrasse 70).

The Frau's Swiss German Lesson

The Frau gets a lot of Swiss German lessons these days. But they are often disguised as something else. Like a verse of the New Testament. 

Let The Frau explain.

See, for the last few months, Baby M (well, she’s more like Toddler M these days) was saying “Hosanna.” A lot. Especially after her diaper was changed.

The Frau thought “Hosanna” was either Toddler M’s way of saying “stand up” or that she was extra religious about diapers.

Finally, after about two months of “hosannaing,” The Frau decided to inquire about it. So she asked the teachers at the Krippe (Swiss daycare) if Toddler M said Hosanna a lot and if so, if they had any idea about what it meant.

“Oh,” they said, “You mean Hosen an.” 

In other words, Toddler M had been saying “pants on” in German for the last few months. Which makes much more sense than her being extra religious about having her diaper changed…much more sense…if you’re not The Frau, that is.

Oh well. Another day, another small Swiss German lesson learned. Along with a big, fat American laugh.

Have you had a good Swiss German lesson lately?

German for puzzle nerds

Hello fellow yodelers and Alex Trebek types. Welcome to The Frau’s German Puzzle Day for Nerds. It’s a language lesson and game all in one. See! German is fun again. Take these words below apart to figure out their meaning and you'll have fun. Because not having fun is not optional! Once you enjoy these words, maybe a language that uses verbs as afterthoughts will no longer render you mute.

Learning German: Puzzles make perfect

Dudelsack

Any guesses for this one? Let The Frau help. Think doodle. Think sack. Think doodle in a sack. Now take your doodling sack to Scotland and play it in a skirt because Dudelsack means bagpipe.

Osterglocke

Oster is for Easter. Glocke is for bell. Easter bell? Almost. An Osterglocke is something that resembles a bell and blooms around Easter: a daffodil.

Handschuhe

Another puzzler for you Alex Trebekers. Take a Schuhe and put it on your Hand. What are you wearing now (besides your Dudelsack)? Gloves!

Rathaus

There’s a rat in my house! There's a rat in my house! It’s obviously a politician. Because a Rathaus is the place where the government works. It’s the town hall.

Notfahrt

Not. Fahrt. Wow, it really must be an emergency if you canNot Fahrt.

Stinksauer

Give me a Stink. Give me a Sauer. What do we have? Someone very pissed off (or hopping mad, for you Brits). Now say it in a sentence everyone: Ich bin Stinksauer that The Frau had the nerve to make a Fahrt joke on her blog. How vulgar! How cliché! That’s why we have Stinksauer, yodelers! When no English word can describe your anger, you know what language to turn to.

Donaudampfschiffahrtsgesellschaftskapitän

The Frau can't explain it, but maybe you can! For those who want Extra Spass, please put your explanation of this word in the comments below. Winners will receive a big fat Danke Vielmal. Creativity is encouraged and possibly rewarded.

How do you learn German in Switzerland?

Welcome to another edition of Dear Frau. It’s kind of like Dear Abby, except with an international twist. If you have a question, don’t hesitate to contact The Frau. She doesn’t have all the answers, but sometimes she likes to pretend otherwise.

Dear Frau,

Thank you so much for your blog. I am moving to Switzerland soon and aspire for my blog about my Swiss experience to be half as good as yours. I am hoping you can discuss and recommend options for learning German in advance of my arrival. I am setting up a private tutor, but thought you may have come across good books (like, Hoi! Your Swiss German Guide :)) or programs (i.e Pimsleur) to suggest as well. I unfortunately took French in high school and college.

Thank you,

Preparing to Sprechen Sie Deutsch

Dear Preparing to Sprechen Sie Deutsch,

The Frau would like to unlock the secrets to Swiss German right here and now on this blog, but alas, the language itself is a secret (much like Swiss bank accounts used to be), and she doesn’t have a key. So until the big bad U.S. government decides Swiss German should be as accessible to them as Swiss savings accounts, The Frau has turned to the only member of her family who understands the language:

The Frau: Baby M, is there a secret to learning Swiss German?

Baby M: Nein nein nein! (Her current and favorite German word)

So there you have it.

The Frau does not like to be discouraging. She does have one American friend and one British friend who learned to speak Swiss German (don’t ask her in what dialect!) and she has several friends who can understand Swiss German because they have been here a long time and also because they spoke fluent German before they moved here.

Learning German in Switzerland can be challenging

But for the rest of us French-in-high-school types, especially for those of us with no close Swiss relations to practice with, the process of learning High German and then understanding Swiss German will be long. One must accept that any form of German will take a long time to learn in Switzerland.

The thing is, you must learn two languages to function in the German-speaking part of Switzerland. First, you must learn High German. And learning High German could take years—even if you were living in Germany. But since you’re not living in Germany, it could take decades. Why? Because in Switzerland, you will not hear the High German language on a daily basis. And when you speak High German to a Swiss, you will often be spoken back to in English because the Swiss hate High German. Learning High German was so pointless to the Romands (Native Swiss French speakers) that many of them now teach Swiss German to schoolchildren instead of High German. How they do that, exactly, The Frau would love to know.

Where does this leave the over-achieving expat? If you’re like The Frau, it leaves you sad and depressed and wishing you could move to the French section, n’est pas?

But instead of going into depression when you’re feeling like a language loser, go to Germany or Austria instead. Then you’ll realize that you are learning German. One day, very far in the future, without realizing it, you too will understand a couple of Swiss German words. Then a few more. Eventually, maybe, like The Frau, after seven long years, you’ll get up to about 30% Swiss German comprehension.

Why is understanding Swiss German so hard? The fact that its dialect changes every ten miles? The fact that it’s only spoken and not written? The fact that Swiss people are very private and do not typically engage in casual discussion with strangers? The fact that a third of Swiss people speak English? The fact that even Swiss German speakers can’t always even understand each other?

Ja. Ja. Ja. Ja. And ja.

And then, think about this: Most native High German speakers claim it takes them about three months of living in Switzerland for them to be able to understand Swiss German. So…here are some tools to help you on your long German journey:

The Frau’s Quick Review of High/Swiss German learning materials/classes:

Berlitz: The Frau has no experience with Berlitz, but several of her friends have recommended it for beginners because it helps you learn useful phrases instead of being too academic.

Intensive German: The Frau has taken two separate intensive German classes in Switzerland. Her verdict? They are too intensive to take in everything that fast. Often leads to frustration.

Not-so intensive German: Taking a class 2-3 times a week for 1.5 hours at a time gives you time to take things in and practice them without being overwhelmed. The Frau did this pace for a couple years when she first moved to Switzerland and it was perfect.

Television: Watch German shows with basic getting-to-know-you conversations like Bauer Sucht Frau. Once you understand that well, you can graduate to the Swiss German version, which is called Bauer, Ledig, Sucht. Movies are good too—if you can get over the dubbed voices—especially good are movies you know really well in your own language. The Big Lebowski, for instance, is hilarious in German. Ich bin der Dude, anyone?

Language buddy: One of the best things to do is to find someone who speaks High German or Swiss German and who also wants to learn your native language. Then you can meet for an hour and speak each language for half the time.

Hoi: The Frau has this book but The Frau does not find this book too helpful. Why? It’s impossible to figure out how to pronounce things from it. And if you don’t know how the words and phrases in it sound, you will get nowhere. Why? Because Swiss German is a spoken language! Why this book does not come with the CD is beyond The Frau.

Pimsleur: The Frau has Swiss German Pimsleur. She likes it ok. It definitely helps to hear the language. But she thinks it is best used after learning some High German first so one has a basis for what and why they are saying what they are saying.

Anyone else want to chime in on how to best learn German/Swiss German?

The Frau's Swiss German Lesson

As most expats in Switzerland know, one of the reasons it’s hard to learn Swiss German as a foreigner is because Swiss German is only a spoken language and this is a country where strangers barely speak to each other.

The Frau has often wished for a more talkative Swiss population so she'd be able to learn a little Swiss German small talk.

Strangers don't usually talk to each other in Switzerland

As it is, the Frau can count on one finger the number of times a stranger on the train has spoken to her (asking if the seat is free doesn’t count). 

It happened on Saturday. The Frau was carrying a baby travel cot so she didn’t want to sit far from the door because the baby cot is big and awkward. As it happened, a man sitting in the second set of seats from the door actually smiled at her, gesturing at her to have a seat across from him.

Since the Frau was just off the boat from three weeks in the U.S., she appreciated the smile and the welcome so she sat there like a happy American and didn’t think twice about it.

But wait a minute. A Swiss person smiling and welcoming a stranger? She should have known this man was crazy. Her hindsight was correct. Because for the rest of the train trip, this friendly gentleman did his best to make the Frau uncomfortable.

He sat on the edge of his seat for the entire 15-minute train ride and touched her jacket, complimenting everything from her red-tag sale coat to her bandaged finger.

Now the Frau was proud to be able to understand some of his Swiss German advances and even reply to some, but in the end when she ran for the door, she couldn’t help but think that she learned a very important lesson: be careful what you wish for. Maybe a non-talkative culture is best after all.

Have you had any Swiss strangers strike up a conversation with you?

Six Years in Switzerland, Part II

In honor of the Frau’s six-year Swiss anniversary last week, she discussed three reasons that living in Switzerland can be as sweet as the chocolate. But like everything—even chocolate—there’s a darker version. 

This week, it’s all about things in Switzerland that can make you as crazy as a clock tower that dings every 15 minutes 24/7. Oh wait, the Frau’s been living right across the street from that very clock tower for six years. That’s 96 dings a day, 35,040 dings a year, and 210,240 dongs in the Frau's short Swiss life, people. Enough to drive the Frau to sometimes say, there’s no place like the good old USA. 

Three Things That Make the Frau Never Want to See a Cervelat Again

Swiss German

Don't come to Switzerland to learn German

If the Frau could do it over again and actually have a choice in the matter, she would live in French-speaking Switzerland. By now, she’d most likely be totally comfortable and fluent in French. 

Living in the German-speaking section is much more complicated. You must learn two languages if you really want to fit in. High German for reading and writing and Swiss German for speaking and listening. The Swiss talk about how they want foreigners to integrate, but let the Frau tell you, it’s not easy. She was fooled into thinking if she learned High German she’d be fine and Swiss German would be its natural conclusion. But instead of understanding Swiss German after six years of High German, all the Frau has perfected is a good smile and nod. 

Luckily, the Frau is not alone. Swiss German appears to frustrate practically all foreigners who try to integrate as well as most of the 36% of the Swiss who speak other languages. The Frau herself is having another wave of disillusionment after working so hard for the last six years to understand High German. Sure, she can read Blick Am Abend and understand cashiers in Germany, but for general everyday life in German-speaking Switzerland, the Frau still feels like an outsider. 

Window Games

The Frau has never seen a group of people more concerned about drafts. And it’s that time of year again. Time for the Frau to sweat the moment she walks in the office, open her window by her desk, and find it closed by someone the minute she gets up for a coffee. 

A Swiss colleague once tried to convince her (when she was pregnant, no less!) that it would stay cooler if she wouldn’t keep opening the window. She doesn’t see the logic of this at all. It’s the same on trains and buses. People here would rather sit in an oven than in a convertible. A breeze doesn’t make you sick, people. It’s all that coughing without covering your mouth…but that’s another story.

Lack of Lines

Nothing like moving to the world's most organized country to have you pining for a good old-fashioned line. Here's a secret for the uninitiated: the only people who stand in line in Switzerland are expats. The Frau has lost count of how many people have just barged in front of her at cheese counters, when getting on trains, and even when she was waiting in “line” at McDonald’s when she was 8 months pregnant. The Frau asks you, Swiss people, how you can have a bus that connects you to the train that connects you to the cable car that connects you to the mountain restaurant in the middle of nowhere exactly at noon for lunch but not be able to form an orderly line at the department store when buying your socks?

What keeps you in Switzerland? Or what makes you never want to hear an alphorn being played in a Tunnelfest again?

Happy Talk

Sometimes understanding German makes living in Switzerland more difficult. You hear insults. You hear stupid conversations. And you hear two twelve year old girls asking the Coop cashier how old they must be to buy cigarettes.

When she told them 16, they were very disappointed.

I was disappointed in them. Somehow, I wish I could have imagined that they were asking where the lollipops were.

I miss my little expat bubble sometimes. Living in reality can be much harder. Maybe I should move to the French section. Or better yet, the Romansch section. Everyone would be saying happy things there.

Dear Frau: Should I Move to Zurich?

Welcome to the latest edition of Dear Frau. It's kind of like Dear Abby, except with an international twist. If you have a question about life in Switzerland, be sure to contact the Frau and maybe your little Frage will be in the next Dear Frau column. And as always, the Frau does not have all the answers and welcomes your solutions to these questions in the comments section.

Dear Frau,

My company would like me to relocate to Zurich. Whilst I am experiencing ‘London Fatigue’ my vision certainly did not include this city. Not even in my periphery.

I speak no German but some French if this might help? Whilst many seem concerned with moving with spouses, family housing and children’s schools my concern is me, myself and I. (Not that I am altogether selfish, truly!) So what it’s like as a single woman living in Zurich? Any recommendations for best areas to live? (Near or in the city, a fruit/veggie market & coffee shop if possible, a gym and green space to go for a run.) And I will miss my gaggle of girlfriends and would be great to meet some friends in Zurich, suggestions for groups to join? I daren’t ask about dating.

Lastly, I have lived abroad before and travel fairly often so know it’s important to be open – but have heard more negatives than positive about Zurich. Cold people, weather, rigid, unwelcoming, etc. that I am needless a touch wary. Would really appreciate a response.

Best,

Single in the City

Dear Single in the City,

You’ve got a lot of questions here, so let’s address one at a time.

Will French help? Um, probably as much as English or German will help. The problem with living in Zurich is that Swiss people in Zurich don’t speak French, German, or English. They speak Züri-deutsch, which is really another language entirely. Züri-deutsch is a Swiss German dialect. Swiss German is a secret language, which makes sense for a country with secret bank accounts, but doesn’t make much sense to expats, who try to learn German and then realize they still can’t understand anything without crossing the border.

What’s it like to be a single woman in Zurich? The Frau will just say this: Not only does “Frau” mean “woman” but it also means “wife.” Clearly Fraus are not meant to be single in German-speaking worlds. But look on the bright side—you won’t be taxed extra for being a married woman that works (yes, this is a fact of life in Switzerland. Please tell me why no one is protesting discrimination?).

To be honest, the Frau does not really know what it is like to be a single gal in Zurich, but she has friends that do know and is hoping they will comment here. She does know that one of her single friends dated many Swiss men and found them all boring. I guess these guys didn’t talk much and the Frau’s friend always felt like she had to lead the conversation. But the world has a lot of boring guys. The Frau’s friend may have just been unlucky. The Frau herself has a couple of Swiss guy friends that are so far from boring that they sing Frank Sinatra tunes in strip clubs to earn extra vacation days at their Zurich ad agency. Yes.

Any recommendations on where to live? The short answer: wherever you can find an apartment. Zurich has less than 1% vacancy so it's hard to be picky. The long answer: read Where should I live in Zurich? Be sure to check the comments. And don’t worry about green space and a place to jog. Foot trails in Switzerland are literally outside every doorstep.

Any suggestions for groups to join? I would start a blog and join the Swiss Expat Bloggers. That’s how I’ve met a lot of people. Blog writers tend to be younger and without children for the obvious reason that they have time to blog. There are plenty of other organizations in Zurich for expats, but these tend to be filled with wives of CEOs who have 2.5 kids, eat $50 lunches every day, and spend their time shopping at Prada. There’s nothing wrong with shopping at Prada. If you like purses.

Cold people, weather, rigid, unwelcoming? Cold people: yes, they can seem that way as they don’t usually smile or make small talk with strangers. But if you can get past their hard exterior the Swiss people are generally kind and loyal. Weather: you’ll be fine with it. You come from London. Rigid: yes, do not put your garbage out a minute too early or you will pay the price. Unwelcoming: yes, there is a lot of xenophobia in Switzerland. On one hand, can you blame the Swiss when 20% of their country is foreign? On the other hand, the discrimination against certain kinds of foreigners is outright embarrassing for a country that prides itself on being neutral. The United Nations agrees.

Ok, yodelers, the Frau does not have all the answers. Let’s help Single in the City make a wise decision. Should she move to Zurich? The Frau thinks she should. She thinks there's a reason so many expats come to Switzerland and then never leave. What do you say?

The 10 Steps of Learning German in Switzerland

There is a clear progression of how English-speaking foreigners deal with learning German in Switzerland. It goes kind of like this:

1. Grüezi. Sprechen Sie Englisch?

2. I'm so excited to learn a new language!

3. I'll be fluent in no time!

4. Hallo, Schweiz! Der, Die, Das, ich kenne etwas!

5. Was? There is also a Den, Dem, Denen, and Des? Echt?

6. Now I'm too scared to talk. I'll get it all wrong.

7. Fine I'll talk. I'll just turn every der, die, das, den, dem, denen, and des into a "duh".

8. I can talk now! I'll go to the flea market and show off! Was kostet das? Was? What is this "foyf" you're saying? I know my numbers, dang it!

9. Crap. I took three years of German and still understand nothing on the streets in Switzerland.

10. Grüezi. Sprechen Sie Englisch?

Dear Frau: I want to be a Swiss journalist!

Welcome to the third edition of Dear Frau. It's kind of like Dear Abby, except with an international twist. If you have a question, be sure to contact the Frau and maybe your Frage will be in next week's Dear Frau column.

Dear Frau:

I come from Sri Lanka and formerly worked as a journalist there. I want to join the media here, but I’ve had problems due to language issues. The government only provides me with German courses, they will not let me go to journalism school or to the university. What should I do?

Danke,

Hopeful Journalist

Unfortunately, problems due to language issues are not a unique situation to foreigners living in Switzerland. Even the Swiss are often confused and speak to each other in non-official languages like English (except the French-speaking Swiss. They may know other languages, but they only and ever speak French).

Despite her 2.5 years of German language training, the Frau has accepted that she will never be able to be a German journalist or German copywriter. No matter how well you learn and speak a language, writing in it professionally is something that very few can do well as non-native speakers. That’s why so many companies in Switzerland seek native speakers for certain jobs.

The Frau knows she is fortunate to speak English as a native language and be able to continue her writing career because there are English publications in Switzerland. Even so, there aren't that many, so she still must look outside of Switzerland for opportunities. Let’s just say the Frau will not be writing for the NZZ anytime soon.

The Frau would never tell anyone to give up, only that as a non-native English, German, French, and Italian speaker, she thinks you have a tough road ahead as a journalist writing for Swiss publications. Competition for jobs these days is tight enough and as a writer, your language skills must be near perfect. Even the Frau worries she might misspell things and this freaks her out.

The Frau’s advice would be to try to continue to work for your former newspaper in Sri Lanka. Do they need international news? Could you be their Swiss or European correspondent? Could you write travel articles about Europe for other Sri Lanken publications? As a writer abroad, you must learn to be creative in ways writers in their home countries don't have to be. Try to think outside the box. The other option is to reinvent yourself completely and think of other things you love and could do in Switzerland with less barriers to employment.

Whew. The Frau hopes she's not being discouraging here, just realistic. Anyone else have advice for our Sri Lankan journalist? Feel free to disagree with the Frau's advice. How have some of you reinvented yourselves abroad?