What to do when it rains in Switzerland

As some yodelers may or may not have realized by now, Zurich gets more rain than London. So what should you do in Switzerland when it rains and pours? Don’t be like The Frau and get stuck at a Swiss museum the size of a closet with an admission price as big as an American mall. Instead, go to the following places that suck less than rain. Ten free tickets to one of them will encourage you to get out, so keep reading for how to win.

Designer Outlet in Landquart

Feel like shopping for deals in a country that doesn’t usually have any? Then you should head straight to the Designer Outlet in Landquart for bargains on designers from Desigual to Tommy Hilfiger. Warning: This designer outlet mall almost feels American. Key word, almost.

Tinguely Museum in Basel

Can sculptures talk to you? Visit the Tinguely Museum in Basel and find out. Because the machine sculptures of Jean Tinguely aren’t just something to look at—they are something to interact with. Walk in front of one and let it surprise you.

Bad Zurzach Spa

Since the Thermalbad in Baden has been closed for the last few years, The Frau has been forced to bathe in the healing waters elsewhere. But that’s ok because Bad Zurzach has four outdoor pools of various temperatures–one with a lazy river­–plus a great indoor area for babies and small children. To get the best deal via public transport to Bad Zurzach, take advantage of the SBB RailAway offer, which gives you 10% off the spa entry and 20% off the train ride there. (And if you’re cheap like The Frau and pay in REKA, you’ll save another 20%).

Zurich Opera House

The Transport Museum is home to the
largest movie screen in Switzerland.

270 performances at the Zurich Opera House. 209 rainy days per year in Switzerland. Coincidence?

Transport Museum in Lucerne

In a beautiful location on Lake Lucerne, the Swiss Museum of Transport makes a great day trip rain or shine. One of Switzerland’s largest museums, it’s perfect for any age and will transport you from steam engines to modern jets with a scooter ride in between. If that isn’t enough, the museum is also home to the largest movie screen in Switzerland and they have kindly given The Frau ten free tickets to give to her readers for the Penguin Migration movie. To win, just leave a comment within this post and include how many tickets you would like (maximum three per winner). Enter by Tuesday, April 29. Make sure The Frau can find you via your link or other winners will be chosen.

The Frau’s Swiss Love Affair

The longer The Frau lives in Switzerland, the more she realizes how disappointing the rest of the world is going to be if she ever leaves.

Toddler-friendly (and boat-friendly) playground in Twann.

She came to this realization when stepping off the train in Twann on Sunday, only to view the most picturesque playground she has ever seen. It was literally right on Lake Biel. It had picnic tables and sand and a slide that was actually toddler-sized. Trains cut through the vineyards above the park. Bikes rode by next to the park. Ducks quacked. If that weren’t enough, as Toddler M was swinging, a classic Swiss boat pulled up, right next to the playground.

A pristine white boat with a Swiss flag pulled up to the playground. Yes. Even Toddler M had to turn in her swing to take in such a sight.

The day continued all perfect and Switzerland-like from there. A stroller-friendly hike up into the vineyards from Twann to Ligerz and back along the lake. Ice cream. More fun at the park in Twann.

 

Ligerz, Switzerland

It was such a perfect day that Toddler M sang almost the entire train ride back to Baden. American nursery songs. Swiss songs from Krippe. A Swiss woman even hummed along with Toddler M as she sang one of the Swiss songs. Interaction. Yes. It is possible.

Oh yodelers, The Frau sometimes feels like she’s been on an eight-year date with someone that’s too good for her. Someone that her mere American mortal-ness with her messy apartment and geraniums that fail to cascade properly doesn’t deserve.

But it's only a matter of time, yodelers, before something goes wrong that you'll also hear about in this very space. Because like most expats, The Frau has a love-hate affair with her adopted country. It’s only normal, isn’t it? But the love affair days are what make being a foreigner here all worth it. Oder?

You Know You're in Switzerland When…

an ass is beautiful.

everything is just a bit more expensive.

plain m&m's are a new phenomenon.

How do you know you're in Switzerland?

Free Swiss chocolate from Max Chocolatier, anyone?

The Frau doesn’t make it a habit to do so-called sponsored posts. But every once and awhile, somebody comes along with an offer so sweet she can’t turn it down. Especially since it is Easter time and she has no willpower. Every store she goes into has been taunting her with chocolate bunnies and eggs since February. So please forgive her, but she accepted some free chocolate in exchange for writing about it–but only because one of you will also get some free chocolate too.

Now don’t worry. While you’re considering whether or not you might enjoy a little free handmade Swiss chocolate, The Frau has done her best to make sure you will not be disappointed in this prize.

That’s why Max Chocolatier, in Lucerne, sent The Frau a box of Schoggiplättli so she could test their chocolate before offering some to you.

Schoggliplättli

Schoggiplättli are thin chocolate squares. But The Frau prefers to give them another name: heaven. Inside her beautifully designed box from Max Chocolatier were four different kinds of handmade chocolate—all with unique flavors you just don’t find at the Migros.

Passion fruit. Hazelnut. Rose petal. Coconut. The Frau has difficultly deciding on her favorite after eating them all, let alone thinking straight. She’s kind of on Cloud Nine, yodelers, which makes sense, considering each square tasted like a little piece of heaven.

Your prize

The Frau will stop taunting you now and showing you the chocolate bunny instead. One yodeler—that’s you!—can win a beautiful Max Chocolatier wild chocolate bunny, just in time for Easter. What’s more–you can even choose if you prefer a dark Madagascar 68% chocolate or a milk chocolate Rio Huimbi 42%? There’s no small print in this big chocolate give-away, except to say you must have a Swiss mailing address to win.

To enter for your free Swiss chocolate bunny, please leave a comment by April 7 in the comments for this post. Include whether you prefer dark or milk chocolate. Make sure The Frau can find you via your link or another winner will be chosen. The winner will be chosen at random and The Frau is guessing your odds will be good. Viel Glück!

Easter in Switzerland

When it comes to Easter planning, The Frau is frustrated. It seems like the perfect chance to get away for the long weekend, but the travel industry does their best to make sure it isn’t. Overpriced airfares (CHF 600 for a 1-hour flight anyone?), apart-hotels that usually have 3-night minimum stays make them 7 instead, and then there are the warnings from locals of heavy traffic.

It’s enough to make anyone consider staying home. Including The Frau.

Easter in Switzerland

So The Frau started researching how to have a fun-filled Easter weekend closer to home. And if the travel industry is frustrating you, don’t let them win. Here is a complete Easter weekend itinerary in Switzerland. Frohe Ostern, mitenand.

Maundy Thursday and Good Friday

Easter Procession in Mendrisio

Costumes from La Scala theater. Torch bearers. Brass instruments and drums. And 50 horses. Watch Christ’s journey to Calvary as you’ve never seen it before–recreated by 200 actors through the streets of Mendrisio.

Easter Saturday

Easter Egg Hunt at Museum Langmatt

This beautiful house/museum in Baden, filled with Monets and Reniors, also has a beautiful garden. At 3 p.m. on Saturday, April 19, they will have an Easter Egg hunt for children.  Cost is CHF 10 per child. Maximum age of participation is 8 years old.

Easter Sunday

Champagne spa breakfast in Leukerbad

Celebrate Easter Sunday in style—in your swimsuit. At the spa in Leukerbad, a champagne breakfast will be served poolside. The cost is only 42 CHF per person and the price includes spa entry.

Easter Monday

Bremgarten Easter Market

Ok, besides the Easter eggs and bunnies, there will be that odd stand selling Confederate flags. But the Easter spirit is there. And if you’re looking for a large market in a beautiful setting, then the Brengarten Easter Market won’t disappoint.

Anyone else have Easter ideas? The Frau thanks you for sharing.

Taxes for Expats

The Frau can tell any American hoping to live abroad what the worst part is: taxes.

According to Time, the U.S. is the world’s only industrialized nation that taxes citizens who live overseas, even if their income is generated in a foreign country and they never return to America.

Yes, there is a $97,000 (CHF 84,750) exclusion (not excluding the pain of still having to file). But if one lives in a high-cost country like Switzerland, this is a joke. Graduate students often make more than this in Switzerland. Hey, you’ve got to pay for your CHF 28 plate of Kung Pao Chicken somehow.

For The Frau, the worst part isn’t actually the requirement of paying U.S. taxes, even if it feels like taxation without representation.

The worst part is that it is all so confusing. The worst part is that it costs Americans abroad so much time, stress, and extra cash beyond the tax owed. And finally, the worst part is that the government gives you no mercy and treats you like a criminal despite how well intentioned you may be. If you don’t pay your U.S. taxes by April 15 each year, you pay huge penalties, UP TO 25%. The Frau asks you, what bank do you know of do you get 25% interest rates from?

Anyway, this means that most American expats, besides paying double taxes, also pay yearly penalties (and huge postal fees since electronic filing isn't possible) for their double taxing pleasure. This is because you can’t figure out what you owe the U.S. government until you file your local country taxes first. So you are always behind. You can’t win. This is the worst part of the worst part.

Big companies, most recently, Ernst & Young, were hired by Mr. Frau’s company to help to do the complicated taxes that most Americans living abroad face. But Ernst & Young did more harm than good. In fact, one year, Ernst & Young USA failed to translate Swiss Francs to U.S. dollars on the U.S. tax forms. Failed! The Frau had to correct them. And every year, The Frau and her husband kept paying huge penalties for late U.S. taxes despite so-called professional advice.

Finally. Finally, after another $4,000 late fee from the U.S. government, The Frau and Mr. Frau decided to ditch Ernst & Young. This year, they tried Taxes for Expats.

Disclosure: Taxes for Expats offered $350 off the service if The Frau blogged about the experience. Nothing said she couldn’t blog about them negatively, and trust The Frau, she would have had it been a bad experience!

To be fair, Ernst & Young had done so terribly, both in communication and in actual taxation form filling, that it didn’t take much to be better. But Taxes for Expats was much, much better.

First off, it was shocking, because whenever The Frau or her husband had questions, Taxes for Expats actually returned their emails promptly. This had never happened with Ernst & Young.

Then, Taxes for Expats translated Swiss Francs to USD correctly. In fact, everything appeared to be done correctly, both on federal and state forms. 

Then…which had never happened in six years with other big tax preparers, Taxes for Expats actually told The Frau and Mr. Frau that they could avoid some of the huge late penalties by paying estimated tax by April 15 and they estimated it for them with a form they could mail in! Who knew? Not Ernst & Young.

So, moral of the story.

Double taxes suck.

Taxes for Expats doesn’t.

If you’re an American in a confusing tax situation, The Frau highly recommends giving them a try. They are fast, accurate, and give better advice than any company The Frau has worked with in her almost 8+ years abroad.

Anyone else have taxing troubles or want to recommend a great person or company?

Crime on a schedule

Note to planes in distress—do not try to land in Switzerland—unless of course, you can do it between 8 a.m. and noon, or between 1:30 p.m. and 5 p.m.

Otherwise the Swiss Air Force is closed.

Case in point: On February 17, a highjacked Ethiopian passenger jet, which was landing in Geneva, had to be rescued by Italian and French military pilots as the Swiss Air Force was sleeping. Literally.

The Frau isn’t surprised. Because when her husband’s backpack was stolen from the local pool and they tried to get help, the police were closed. Silly Frau. It was dinnertime in Switzerland, so what did she expect?

Crime, apparently, should occur on a schedule, and the Swiss are serious about this. So check the schedule thief, and then steal away. Because in Switzerland, neither the police nor the army nor the air force will catch you. They are too busy eating lunch.

Why not take a shower in a parking garage?

The Frau has been in Switzerland long enough now to realize something:

You can take a shower in places that you otherwise wouldn’t consider taking a shower.

For instance, in a parking garage.

The Frau asks you: Is there any other country in the world where you would see a shower in a parking garage and think, “Yes, I might actually consider using that?"

Well, that’s the case in Einsiedeln, where the parking garage comes complete with toilets, showers, and a locker room. And none of them are questionable.

Sometimes, The Frau loves Switzerland.

It’s a place where she can shower without regret not only in parking garages, but also in train stations, her office, and at the lake.

Switzerland is known for cleanliness and it is not without reason. So go ahead, yodelers, The Frau encourages you to discover all the extra special places where you can become as clean as the country you’re living in.

10 books to love about Switzerland

In honor of Valentine’s Day, The Frau would like to share ten books to love about Switzerland and expatriate life.

Beyond Chocolate: Understanding Swiss Culture

By Margaret Oertig-Davidson

Contrary to popular belief, there is more to life in Switzerland besides chocolate (even on Valentine’s Day), and this book helps outsiders understand how Switzerland and its people tick.

There are books to love about CH and then there's
this raspberry truffle from Vollenweider too...

A Moveable Marriage: Relocate Your Relationship without Breaking It

By Robin Pascoe

Are you a trailing spouse or about to become one? Here’s a book on how you and your marriage can survive your first­–or tenth–international move.

Swiss Watching: Inside the Land of Milk and Money

By Diccon Bewes

Want to go beyond the Swiss stereotypes and deep into Switzerland to find out what, exactly Swissness means? Then this book is for you.

Expat: Women’s True Tales of Life Abroad

By Christina Henry de Tessan

No matter where we live as expatriates, this anthology demonstrates that some things about expat life are universal.

The Xenophobe’s Guide to the Swiss

By Paul Bilton

The blurb says it all: This book is definitely “A Frank and Funny Look at what makes the Swiss Swiss.”

La Place de la Concorde Suisse

By John McPhee

The army in Switzerland can seem mysterious, but not if you read this journalistic study of the its role in Swiss society.

GenXPat: The Young Professional’s Guide to Making a Successful Life Abroad

By Margaret Malewski

How can you survive (and thrive) when working in another country? This book has many answers.

Cultural Intelligence: A Guide to Working with People from Other Cultures

By Brooks Peterson

If you work in Switzerland, you will be working with people from other cultures. This book is a great introduction to any diverse workplace.

Inside Outlandish: Essays about Feeling at Home (in Switzerland)

By Susan Tuttle

A collection of essays about life in Switzerland as an outsider looking in.

Living in Zurich Guide

By The American Women’s Club of Zurich

This book bills itself as “The Most Comprehensive Guidebook To Life In Zurich As An Expat” and The Frau can’t argue with that. Like everything in Switzerland, it’s quite expensive, but if you’re new to Zurich, it’s worth every franc.