Obamania in Switzerland

Wanted to share a bit of Swiss Obamania. Here were some of the headlines:



"The world's most powerful couple-Mr. and Mrs. President" (Nov 6, 20 Minuten)

"Barack Obama--The American President 2009-2013" (This newspaper cover was made into a poster that many Swiss said they would hang up) (Nov 5, Blick am Abend).

"Vote Obama"--this was printed on the day of the election. There was also a "Vote McCain" on the opposite side. (Nov 4, Blick am Abend)



"American Dream--Barack Obama managed to go from being a nobody to the 44th American President" (Nov 5, Blick am Abend)

UnvermeidBar in Baden

Think red velvet chairs, wine and chandeliers. Throw in a grand piano, candles, beer, and a random actor from Berlin (that strangely resembles Yanni) going off about a man's testosterone and then singing a song about it too. And then you have Baden's UnvermeidBar, located on Rathausgasse 22.

Vermeiden means "to avoid" in German. So I'm guessing the name "UnvermeidBar" is a play on the fact that you can't avoid some kind of random show by visiting this bar. During our 3-hour visit, we were treated to a 10-minute performance by Yanni, who I mentioned above. And then right after Yanni, a woman dressed in a very short flowered dress did a dramatic riff on men and pink purses, which then ended when she literally ran out the door and hugged some poor, unprepared guy on the street.

Anyhow, I guess the strange theatrics make sense as the bar is a part of Palino, a theater company in Baden. The website says that during all opening hours of the bar, one can expect readings, live music, or quick scenes. (Actually, I just made up the quick scenes, since I can't seem to figure out the word "Blitzszenen." Anyone have a clue?) Ah, well, it just adds to the mystery of the place, so never mind.

Did I mention there's no smoking allowed? Wow. I mean, I'll take the strange theatrical German outbursts if I don't have to go home and take a shower after going out for a few hours. It's a fun atmosphere too, as the place is actually two stages--there is one in the basement as well. When we first arrived, there was a play going on in the basement, so we were told to whisper as we enjoyed our drinks on the main floor.

Yep, it seems you never know what to expect at the UnvermeidBar. Except of course, the unexpected.

Wagamama in Zurich!

For those of you that like Asian food, the Wagamama Noodle Bar is now in Zurich. I went there today and had a big bowl of chicken ramen soup! Perfect for the wintertime. The service was very friendly and English-speaking and the menu (also available in English) is reasonably priced (for Zurich), which means entrees are about CHF 19-25. Even better, there was no smoking! I think this place is my new favorite for Asian food in Zurich.

Wagamama is a chain--I ate at one earlier this year in London and lamented the whole time about why they don't have places like this in Zurich. Well now they do! Yipee.

Here's the address:
Wagamama Zürich
Talstrasse 83
8001 Zurich

There's also one in Winterthur:
Marktgasse 7
CH 8400 Winterthur

International Reaction

I had a friend from Colorado e-mail me wanting to know about the international reaction of the election outcome. Well, I can’t speak for all countries, but here’s a story for you about a Swiss man in his 50s.

He told me a few months ago that he made a bet with some people that McCain would win because he didn’t think Americans could ever bring themselves to vote for an African-American. I think he represents a big majority of thinking in Europe, that America as a country still wasn’t ready for such “radical” thinking.

With Obama winning, we have proved to the world that we have moved beyond petty classifications of people. America has finally grown up. Europeans seem to be relived. And so am I.

Proud to be an American

Yesterday, I wish I could have been in my hometown of Chicago to celebrate the most historic event in American history. Instead, I went to bed at 11pm Central European Time (5pm EST) and got up at 4am (10pm EST) with still no concrete election results, but with Obama winning by about 100 to 60.

About 7.15am my husband woke me up with the good news. Really, I almost felt like crying. To see that my fellow citizens had broken racial divides and picked someone that is a new face for America when we need it most is democracy at its shining best.

Even Virginia went blue, the state where my vote was counted this year.

Congrats, America. I feel we have made the right first step. And little by little, I now think it is possible to gain back some respect from the world.

Expat Adventure Column in Swiss News

So, the headlines are all over the Swiss paper, 20 Minuten, about America's Day of Decision. It will be quite the day for breaking news.


Speaking of headlines, I wanted to share one of my own as my new column, called "Expat Adventure," begins this month in Swiss News, the National English Journal of Switzerland.

If you don't have a subscription you can get one by visiting the website. The magazine is also available at any Kiosk in Switzerland.

The first piece is called "My Very Own Critic." Click to read! And please let me know your feedback or other topics you would like to hear about in the future.

UBS. More Questionable Ethics.

UBS. Switzerland's largest bank hasn't looked very appealing in the news lately. Greed. Corruption. Questionable ethics. Not to mention, they recommend personal bankers based on their looks instead of their skills. And I don't know about you, but in this economy, I want the Joe Biden. Not the Sarah Palin.

My husband went to the UBS last week and an older women helping him wanted to assign him a personal banker, for all his banking needs. At first, she handed him the business card of Herr Banker.

But then she changed her mind.

"Oh no," she said. I will give you Frau Bankerin. She is young and beautiful."

As she handed over the business card, she noticed my husband's ring.

"Oh, I see you are married," she said sheepishly. But then still mentioned, "but you should really meet Frau Bankerin. You'll really like her."

Wow. I mean I don't know what to say. Except that it's time to get a new bank.

Laundry in Switzerland

My neighbor announced a few days ago that she would be in the Italian part of Switzerland for the weekend. Imagine my excitement. Since we are the only two who share our laundry room, I couldn't wait to have two whole days of my very own laundry room.

It may not seem like a big deal to some, especially those who are spoiled with their own washing machine, but when you've got a neighbor that observes and criticizes each and every laundry session, it's reason enough to spend a Saturday evening reveling in a judgement-free laundry free-for-all .

I couldn't wait to retreat back to my old pre-Switzerland reckless laundry ways and actually forgo using the little brush my neighbor keeps on top of the dryer in order to pick every single little lint misfit out of the machine. I didn't have to leave the dryer door open at a 45 degree angle. Or turn off the electricity. Yipee.

But the thing is, I've been so trained in her ways, that I realized I started doing these things automatically. And that's when you know you've been in Switzerland too long.

Alas, my only real excitement was leaving stuff in the dryer overnight. But hey, I'll take what I can get when it comes to doing laundry in Switzerland.

No tricks, plenty of treats

Can you imagine how great trick of treating would be if was done in Switzerland? All those great chocolate samples filling your pumpkin. Yum. But since there's no tradition of that here, unfortunately we will have to purchase our own treats. So in honor of Halloween, I'm recommending the following two Swiss treats:

1. Lindt Gebrannte Mandeln Amandes Grillees (Toasted, sugary almonds mixed with milk chocolate and made into this heavenly piece of treatery). At Manor for CHF 2,40.

2. Lindt Chocoletti-Walnuss (In other words, tasty dark chocolate chocolate cubes filled with walnut pieces) Mmm. Found at Manor for CHF 2,40.

But hurry and get them today! They are both special autumn chocolates and are going fast!

Switzerland's Haunted House

On the train from Dietikon to Bremgarten there are rolling hills. There are spotless streets. And then there is this, the closest thing Switzerland has to a haunted house. I mean look at this place. Rusting fence, peeling paint, and general grime, oh my! This place hasn’t seen a high pressure cleaner in at least a year. This is schlecht. Really, for Switzerland, this place is scary.

I mean, I would think that if I am expected, by my Swiss neighbor, to have a gutter so clean I can drink out of it, then this house’s appearance is reason enough for its owner’s deportation.

But then again, maybe that’s what happened. After all, no reputable Swiss citizen could possibly be seen here. So if there is a resident, it most likely is a foreigner. And hey, for the Swiss, there’s nothing scarier than that.

Happy Halloween.

To the dentist in Switzerland? No way.

The average Swiss citizen ate 12.3 kg (27 pounds) of chocolate in 2007. And with new and exciting choices like toasted almond and chocolate mousse chocolate bars who can blame them? But the crazy part is:
1. The Swiss are still as skinny as rails.
2. Despite this known gluttony, the Swiss do not typically have dental insurance.

Not surprisingly, dentists in Germany can’t wait to capitalize on such a sugar-hungry population—especially one that comes complete with exorbitant dental fees and no insurance to cover them. The solution?

Zum Zahnarzt nach Deutschland. (To the dentist in Germany).



This ad, hanging in the S12 train in Zurich, even advertises a free consultation when you come to this friendly German dentist. And since most Swiss people are not used to free things, this novelty alone will probably be enough for many to take the 45-minute trip abroad.

Other people, like myself, practice the “Zum Zahnarzt nach den USA” strategy. And then there are those like my husband, who choose the extremely budget-friendly method of foregoing any dental visit at all.

Made in Switzerland

Swiss Qualität. It’s a phenomenon (otherwise known as marketing success) in Switzerland as prevalent as cheese and chocolate which allows the Swiss to charge three times the price of say, a pen, simply because it was made in Switzerland.

Being “Swiss Made” or “Made in Switzerland” is so well branded, that the phase is universally understood and printed in English on packages otherwise written in a different language entirely.

Now I don’t know about you, but I find most Swiss-made products to be no better made than other products and in some cases worse. But you have to give the Swiss credit for supporting their country. Those apples from New Zealand don’t stand a chance next to their higher-priced Swiss cousins. I mean, the poor New Zealand apples just scream “Ausländer” along with all the Spanish clementines in the otherwise locally produced fruit section. It’s amazing these outsiders are even available at all, as we all know how much Ausländers are welcomed in Switzerland.

Anyhow, I bring all this up because of a shop window in Bremgarten, Switzerland. I’m just really curious to know just what exactly makes up a Swiss Qualität tattoo. It can’t last longer than other tattoos, can it? Or perhaps it’s just the designs that are superior—say one can get a white sheep kicking a black sheep permanently engraved on their body—in case the idea isn’t planted firmly enough in their minds. If anyone has any additional insight on or experience with Swiss Qualität tattoos, please make yourself heard as the mystery of it all is a little overwhelming. Thanks.

Get 'em while they're cheap!

10% off. It's a sight to behold--and also a reason for celebration in Switzerland. Companies spend lots of money advertising such great deals. Stores eagerly place signs up in the windows. And customers rush in, excited to be a part of something so rare as a Swiss sale.

As the cheapskate American, used to the "biggest sale ever" being held every day of my life, I have to say, I find these rare 10% off sales in Switzerland rather amusing--and rather pointless. Yes, that SFr 179 Adidas running shoe will now be ONLY 161.10, but really, it's hard to be enticed when I'm used to getting the same thing at the every day greatest sale price of $39.99.

Instead, I wait until July and January, the two months of government approved sales and do all my Swiss shopping then. But for those of you looking for a little excitement for your dreary foggy Monday, make sure you pick up a free Blick am Abend, where a 10% coupon is sure to be waiting for you on the back page.

Yep. It's time to start not only hunting for those great Swiss deals. But gathering.

A Taste of Americana, Part I

Last week at Coop I discovered the Noodle Bowl. I don't know if this is a new product or not, but it caught my eye since it was one of the few items in the meat section that was actually under SFr 5 thanks to the 50% discount. Since the Noodle Bowl could be cooked in under 5 minutes and required only dumping the ingredients in a pan, it fit my old American cooking requirements and I was excited to revel in such fine dining possibility once again.



So I made it. It was quick. It was easy. And...and then I just couldn't eat it. While I would have enjoyed this chicken satay meal three years ago, I couldn't eat it last week. And Switzerland is to blame. For over two years now, the country has forced me to buy fresh food almost every single day and cook from scratch. And now I've arrived at the point of no return.



Last night, my mother-in-law called just as I was in the middle of making risotto with fresh vegetables and cheese. When I told her what I was cooking, she sounded kind of revolted as only an American could. "Well, I'm having KFC for lunch right now," she said, clearly much happier with her eating option. And the thing is, I wasn't even jealous.

Gayle Tufts--The Best of Two Language Worlds

If you live in Switzerland, one thing that begins to become almost normal is hearing at least two languages used together in one conversation. In my office for example, one person will speak high German while the other answers in Swiss German, or I’ll talk English while my boss talks high German while another colleague’s on his landline talking French (only to put the person on hold to start talking to another caller in Italian.)

When you think about it, it’s an interesting way to go through life, throwing around languages like hot potatoes. But for the linguistically challenged American, it also makes for a very difficult learning environment.

My boss introduced me to Gayle Tufts, an American performer and comedian living in Germany who sings and talks in English and German, using them interchangeably. When you think about it, it makes for that many more great rhyming opportunities…start the phrase in English, but finish it in German or vice versa.

The other advantage is that it lets you use the best of both languages. So you can completely avoid having to stress out about whether a word is Der, Die, or Das by always using “the” instead. And when a German word is clearly more interesting than an English one, like “Handschuhe” rather than "glove", you can use it without offending anyone by using the wrong gender.

Here is a link to a Gayle Tufts performance. Enjoy. And long live the duetsche Sprache.

Travel Inspired Dinner

Whew. One does not know tired until they have spent the entire day trying to brainstorm ideas in another language--even with a bit of English thrown in here and there for much needed clarification.

Anyhow, on my way home via a 7-minute late train (the horror), I got inspired by several travel essays. One talked about chocolate in Venezuela and the other about wine and ham in Spain.

So needless to say, I headed straight to the grocery store after getting off the train (yes, it was my lucky night since the stores aren't usually open at 7.30pm) and bought what else--ham and chocolate. (Nothing like a good travel essay to inspire me to buy three tiny pieces of ham for 6,50 CHF.)

Anyhow, I poured myself some apple wine and enjoyed a tapas-style plate of ham, bread, Asiago cheese and some genuine Spanish clementines. Yum. To finish off my dinner masterpiece I tried some Lindt chocolate filled with toasted almonds (sadly, only available in the fall, so hurry!)

I highly recommend this meal to end any stressful day.

Am I Missing Something?

So. According to 20 Minuten, Lonely Planet named Zurich one of its top cities to visit in 2009, calling it a fairy-tale for clubbers on the same scale of London and Berlin. Now granted, I’m not exactly a clubber, but I’ve been to both Berlin and London this year. To be sure, Zurich beats them both when it comes to exploring the great outdoors, but indoors I’m not so sure. I guess if you’re a smoker, you’re definitely happier in Zurich’s bars than in London’s right now. But me, well, I was much happier hanging out in London’s Salisbury pub drinking a cider in the smoke-free air not to mention drinking a Berliner Weisse in a Berlin beer garden than I ever am drinking a Stange in Zurich’s tiny, smoky bars.

But forget about me, what do you think?

A "GA" Day

The weather has been so amazing this month with today being no exception, that I decided to make use of my GA train pass and head to a town on the Walensee. I've always wanted to hike along this lake, where steep mountains plunge right into the turquoise water, reminding me a bit of a Norwegian fjord.

After seeing an inviting trail from the train window, I got off in a tiny town called Murg. It's still rather amazing to me that one can get off at any railway station in Switzerland and be greeted by several happy yellow signs pointing to the tens (or hundreds) of well marked trails that fan out right in front of you for various forms of exercise pleasure.

Murg was no exception and I had the choice of many trails. I chose the flat one and ended up walking to the next train stop on the line, which took about an hour with many photo stops. Then I headed, in true GA style, to the next town that caught my fancy--Wadenswil. I sat by the lake and read a book and watched various bird species fighting over a small child's bread.

Then a boat pulled up and I thought, what the heck. I boarded without caring where it was headed next.

Swipe and Wipe

Yesterday at the Migros supermarket, my husband and I bought three packages of tulip bulbs. Each package was wrapped in a netting material and therefore the bulbs shed a bit from their respective nets, which wouldn't be a big deal anywhere else, but since this is Switzerland, it created quite the havoc at the register.

After the cashier scanned each bag, it never failed that a couple little bits of bulb shed onto the belt and apparently this was really unacceptable. So terrible in fact, that it drove the cashier to wipe down the belt after each and every swipe. So three bags of bulbs, three wipes. It was really quite amazing to watch. Can you imagine the exercise she would have gotten if we owned a flower farm and had purchased 50 packages of these rebel bulbs? Or if we had additionally purchased a package of sweating ice cream?

I shudder to think. But it just goes to prove just why so many products in Switzerland come unrefrigerated--otherwise, they'd create too much of a mess sweating and wetting at the register. So milk comes in warm boxes. The orange juice follows suit. And even the eggs aren't refrigerated.

Wow, it just goes to prove there's an explanation for everything--even warm milk. Although I admit, at this very moment I'm having American visions of a grand ole gallon of chilled 1% milk wetting down the register with no one even blinking an eye. Except maybe, that random Swiss tourist.

Butter and Other Swiss Advertising

Yesterday, one of my favorite blogs, Swiss Story, posted one of the butter billboards that have gone up around Switzerland. I too, had taken a photo of one of these, as upon seeing it on Sunday, I couldn't help but stop and stare. My butter ad, posted below, has, as you can see, already been slightly defaced by another person that also found it inspiring.

Anyhow, for those that haven't read about it on Swiss Story, the translation for the butter ad is: "I eat butter. I don't."

In the image, the preppy guy says he eats butter and the bodybuilder guy says he eats something other than butter (hmm...steroids?). Anyhow, the point of the advertising is that butter is natural and everything else is not.



I'd like to take a moment here to ponder the Swiss obsession with butter. Not just because of these ads, but also, for instance when I asked a Swiss friend who had lived in New York what he thought of the United States, his only comment was, "I couldn't believe the butter."

I thought he meant the prices, since butter here is amazingly expensive (but now we know why--they have to pay for all this amazing advertising). But in fact, my friend was overwhelmed by the amount of butter choices available in U.S. grocery stores. So utterly confused in fact, that he shopped at CVS (a drug store that also has an aisle or two of groceries) during his years in the U.S. so he wouldn't have to face such an overwhelming aisle of fattening goodness.

Anyhow, yesterday at the train station, they were handing out free handy wipes--to advertise a new brand called Desinfect. Of course, I took one since I couldn't pass up one of those rare moments to something free in Switzerland. Everything on the package they handed out was in German except the tagline which read, "When there is no water to hand."

Hmm. Out of the sheer badness of this phrase, I went to the website, and sure enough, this tagline is proudly printed everywhere. Wow. Good for them. I mean, it's not every day you can write something that makes absolutely no sense and get away with printing it on millions of products. I mean, it's so bad, I went that extra step to do that additional research.

Just goes to prove, bad advertising does work. Look at me, I've just wasted a half hour writing about two examples not to mention given them free PR. Ah well, I don't work as the lone English copywriter in Zurich for nothing. Although it looks like I've found at least one more company could use a little of my expertise.

Do Banks Deserve to be Rescued?

The Swiss government just announced this morning that it will put CHF 6 billion into the largest Swiss bank, UBS. Now on one hand, I’m relieved because I’m glad the Swiss are no longer in denial about the financial crisis, not to mention UBS is my bank and so I want my money to be safe. But at the same time, UBS has made bad decisions. Greedy decisions. And what did I get out of their years of crazy profits? Basically zero interest on my savings account. So I think now that their bad decisions have caught up with them and they’re getting helped with my tax money, then I should get to see some benefit—i.e. an interest rate greater than .5%. (Yes, there is a point in front of that 5.) Sound fair?

Another option for governments around the world would be to stop taxing the tiny amount of interest people get on their savings accounts. Especially in the United States, where people have a real problem saving money, this could be an incentive to start getting out of the red.

The Swiss government is also proposing to raise the protection of bank accounts to a number (not yet disclosed) over the current CHF 30,000 even though last week they said they wouldn't consider that. Wow. Perhaps they are finally worried that in this financial mess everyone with money will take it out of Swiss banks and put it somewhere more protected. And without banking, then what will Switzerland be worth?

Nothing but a few thousand pounds of cheese.

Supermodel (The Swiss Version of Top Model)

I’m not really a big TV watcher, but since moving here from the states over two years ago, I admit that I have missed watching a mindless reality show here and there. Luckily, Switzerland is no stranger to reality shows—especially knock-offs of U.S. ones. Unfortunately, watching a mindless show in another language is anything but, however, I took the plunge and decided to tune into Supermodel last night after reading about it in the local paper.

Supermodel is a low-budget version of Top Model with women from various locations in Switzerland like Appenzell and Frauenfeld fighting for the title of, well, Supermodel. Unlike the English show, this version throws around two main languages—German and Swiss German—with a little English here and there for good measure. The poor women from the Italian-speaking section are forced to speak German (but I could understand them best since they spoke high-German) and during intense cat fights I could not understand a word with all the Chuchichäschtli‘s being thrown around. But my comprehension rose to almost 100% when an American cat-walk trainer appeared and spoke German with his American accent. English phrases were also tossed around every couple minutes or so, making the entire show an interesting patchwork of language.

My favorite phrase was “Kick-off”, which was what they called the elimination round. For those that are interested in German study, the word “Kick-off” is apparently masculine as it was referred to as “Der Kick-Off”. Who knew? But if I had to guess a sexuality for “Kick-off” I’d pick masculine since it sounds like a sports term.

Anyhow, it was a very enlightening Tuesday evening and for those of you in Switzerland, just think of the hours of crappy shows you can watch without guilt because they are “language lessons”.

For those that are interested in working on at least three languages at once, Supermodel is on Tuesday nights at 20.15 on the appropriately titled, channel 3+. And next week should be extra enlightening, as in addition to the German, Swiss German, and English and the models will be going Paris, and were handed French dictionaries at the end of this week’s show and told to learn French, so we should hear yet another language tossed around during the show.

Spa by Candlelight

I was happy to find out last night that Spa by Candlelight is back from October through April at the Baden Thermalbad (on Friday and Saturday nights). It’s really quite the experience, sitting outside on a cool autumn night in a hot pool of mineral water watching the rising steam frame the moon while jets massage your every muscle. Adding candlelight just makes it well, all the more orgasmic.

Unfortunately since I was there on a Monday night, I had to make due with just various versions of bubbling mineral water, but still it was wonderful. I almost felt like I was on vacation, slipping into the old days when I was still in the honeymoon phase of the expat experience.

Of course, in Switzerland, even relaxing is done on a timetable. Every two minutes a light and bell go off, and you must move to the next jet or receive a disapproving look from the person behind you. But last night the bell was broken and the people behind me were speaking Spanish, so the atmosphere was a little more casual.

After I got out of the pool and the towel guy wrapped a hot towel around me, I couldn’t help but think, even after two years living in Switzerland, I am still amazed that this spa experience can be had a mere ten minutes from my apartment.

Apple Cider Days in Seengen

For those of you who aren't familiar, the magazine Swiss News has a useful calendar of events section each month. It lists fairs and festivals, traditions and markets, concerts, and more. So on Sunday, we picked a festival that was less than an hour away by train from Baden and off we went to the Apple Cider Days and Autumn Market in Seengen.

The location of the fest was the courtyard of Schloss Hallwyl, a well-preserved 12th century castle surrounded by a moat. The trip would be well worth it just for the castle itself, but there are also beautiful trails surrounding it including one that leads to a lake where one can take a boat ride or walk along the vineyards.

Anyhow, the fest itself was typical Swiss. Fairly small, fairly expensive, but nice all the same. You could taste lots of different kinds of apples, see cider being made, watch kids parade around with dolls made out of various vegetables, buy various products and farmer specialities like apple wine. We ended getting plates of Alpiner Macaroni, a typical Alpine dish that includes pasta in a cream sauce with potatoes and onions and served with a side of apple sauce. It was so filling, that we didn't have room for any of the apple tarts, but it was just as well since two plates of the pasta cost CHF 30.


Some of the various apples for sale.


Schloss Hallwyl in Seengen

You're Fired!

Donald Trump would never have as much fun in Switzerland. Sure, he could still fire people. But he wouldn't have the satisfaction of sending them away that very minute, because legally, they'd still be around, working for him another three to six months.

When I told one of my Swiss colleagues how, if you're fired in America, you are sent packing that very minute, he looked at me wide eyed and in disbelief. Here, the laws protect workers much better than in the United States. If you're fired, you still keep working and collecting a paycheck for an additional three to six months (sometimes up to a year), depending on your contract.

As an employee, this is great, I guess, to know I have this protection. But most people that are fired or quit (which also requires you to stick around three months after you officially say, "I quit") tend, not surprisingly, not to be so motivated after that. They call in sick, they get mysterious back pain, they get "krank geschrieben" (or doctor's notes that say they don't have to work for weeks at a time). Or they just don't show up. And really, who can blame them.

Still, it creates havoc on the workers that haven't quit or haven't been fired, because they have to do all the work of the others (ah hem, sometimes work that isn't in their language). And that is one thing that is very wrong with the system, not to mention someone that's fired with full access to company info could really do something bad (but obviously they aren't so paranoid about things like that on this side on the pond).

Anyhow, it all combines to make a very interesting work environment. That's why, when I had lunch this week with a woman from my agency's Detroit office, and she wanted to know if it was much different working here, I couldn't say anything but "You have no idea."

Freaking Out

Despite my lack of formal German class right now, my German vocabulary seems to improve by the day, especially since I now have a German boss at work and am forced to speak it more than ever before.

Still, more words than not go completely over my head, but then there are those that just stick right away. Unfortunately, (or fortunately, depending on how you look at things) the more negative the word, the more chances there are that it's memorable.

My favorite of the week is the verb "ausflippen". It means "to freak out."

It was an especially appropriate theme for the week, not just because of crashing markets and bankrupt countries, but for my neighbor's critique of my garden. Yesterday, she went so far as to bring over rubber shoes, throw her hose over the divider, and personally "spülen" my gutter herself.

Yes, she literally was "flippt aus" about my entire balcony. The moss on the concrete planters. The overgrown lavender. The muddied gutter. She really took my lack of gardening personally, and so I tried to make amends by picking up a few stray leaves.

This however, was unsuccessful, and now I am informed that she'll be returning on Saturday to really clean up our "Katastrophe" (another great, well-themed word for the week that I bet you can guess the meaning for.)

Ich flippe über die Katastrophe aus. (German readers, please correct my preposition and cases.) Yes, thanks to neighbors and markets, this week has been perfect for my affinity for negative word learning.

Swiss Miniature

The Swiss Miniature Park in Melide, Switzerland (a 7-minute train ride or a 15-minute boat ride from Lugano) has all the makings of a tourist trap. A mini train you can ride. A bad selection of overpriced food. A gift shop right inside the front door. The whole park's claim to fame is that you can see all of Switzerland in an hour--there are over 121 of models (built on a scale of 1:25) of all of the famous buildings in Switzerland complete with over 3,560 meters of train track that allow model trains to zip through the entire Swiss country side in 5 minutes, not to mention cable cars scaling "mountains" in between the madness. Or should I say, efficiency?

The amazing thing is, it works. It's engaging, cute, and everything I thought it would be, but in a good way. In fact, the Swiss re-creation of their country is so well done, it makes any close-up photo of a Swiss landmark here challenge reality.



Don't you think?

Swiss Banks--Not so Safe After All

In order to make Americans feel more secure, the FDIC insurance for U.S. bank accounts has been raised from $100,000 to $250,000. I checked this out with my bank back in the states, but they only guarantee this protection through 2009 (I guess after that, there really is no money left).

All of this talk got me wondering about other countries’ banking protection. And what do you know, Blick Am Abend ran an article on that last night, with a front page headline, “Helfen Sie sich selbst!” (You must help yourself).

Swiss bank accounts are only protected up to CHF 30,000 per account and client. In fact, banks in Switzerland have the lowest insurance rate of any European country and the government does not plan on changing that anytime soon. Kind of makes you wonder why rich people find Swiss banks so appealing—especially with secrecy laws coming into question (for example, as of 2007, all U.S. citizens must declare foreign bank accounts with the IRS, or face penalties of $100,000).

Anyhow, here is a rundown of banking protection. Forget Swiss Banks, I think it's time we all moved our money into Denmark, Germany, Greece, Ireland, or Austria!

(all figures are in Swiss Francs)

Denmark, Germany, Greece, Ireland, Austria—all money is protected.
Norway—376,000
USA—283,000
Italy—161,100
France—109,200
Japan—108,000
Canada—104,500
England—100,000
Sweden—80,000
Portugal—52,700
Finland—39,000
Belgium, Spain, Luxemburg, and Holland—31,200
Switzerland—30,000

Obama Wins Europe

If the U.S. election were today, it seems that no matter what country was voting, that Obama would be the winner.

The most recent poll on CNN shows 53% of Americans for Obama and 45% of Americans for McCain.

In 20 Minuten, Zürich’s free morning paper, the numbers are even higher for Obama:

Netherlands: 95% for Obama

Germany: 85% for Obama

France, Spain, Australia: 75% for Obama

Switzerland: 68% for Obama

This makes me wonder what is holding Americans back in comparison? Racism? Love of mavericks? I’d be interested to hear comments from readers.

International Magazine Subscriptions

We've all seen them. Those seemingly innocent envelopes that come in the mail, begging the poor English language-deprived expat to part with a ridiculous amount of cash just to have their regular old $12 U.S. subscription of Conde Nast Traveler, Smithsonian, or Glamour renewed internationally.

I was a sucker once. I got a few internationally overpriced subscriptions. I just couldn't help myself. After all, I rationalized, everytime I went to the Swiss Kiosk I parted with CHF 13,80 for last month's National Geographic Traveler (yes, $13 for one issue) or CHF 9,80 for The Sunday Times ($9 for a newspaper?!).

But then, last year, when American Airlines was threatening to take away my miles due to not using their airline for a few months (Sorry, American, why don't you try flying around Europe and maybe I'll reconsider), I used up my American miles for magazine subscriptions.

"Why did you have to go and do that?" complained my mother, after I reported that five different magazines would now start appearing at her house in Illinois, as my miles were only good enough for regular U.S. subscriptions.

So my mother endured month after month of magazine madness until my ever-practical husband took pity on her and said to me, "Why don't you just change the address on them?"

Sure enough, a few months later, my precious magazines started appearing at my apartment in Switzerland. My mother and I couldn't have been happier. No extra charges. Nope. I didn't pay a dime and now have magazines delivered regularly in international style. Without the international price.

So I'd like take this time and space to thank American Airlines for the threats. Without you (and my husband's ideas) I never would be able to revel in such stacks of English enjoyment here in Switzerland.

And on that note, I'm going to see if I have any other miles sitting around, as most of my subscriptions are just about up for renewal. I recommend all you expats out there do the same.

Bluefish's Awesome Blogging Award

A big thanks to Swiss Story Blog, who named this blog, One Big Yodel, her number one pick for the Bluefish's Awesome Blogging Award.

On her blog, Swiss Story wrote of One Big Yodel, "I gave her a shout out not too long ago, and she is still one of my favorites at the moment. She talks about her life in Switzerland with such humor and characterizes the Swiss' cultural trites almost too perfectly."

The award originates with Bluefish. Thanks to all my readers for their support and comments. I look forward to taking all of you on my continued adventures in Switzerland and Europe. Cheers.

Cheap Hotel in Paris

My husband likes to make fun of me because I'm a cheap person. But it's actually something I thrive on--and thank goodness because it's inherited so I have no choice. I come from a family of savers. (Imagine that, savers in America.) But it's true. I grew up in a one car family. And if that doesn't tell you how cheap my family is, I don't know what does.

So naturally I love the rush that comes from getting something great for little. It gives me satisfaction like nothing else. And it's much harder to achieve in Europe. So victory is that much sweeter when it does happen.

Here is one of my most recent victories. The view from my room at the Ibis Paris Montmartre hotel. 85 Euro a night ($118). And what a view. I almost crawled out the 9th floor window in admiration.



Top that, Mr. Spendthrift.

For Sale in Paris

Forget mini Eiffel Towers, this is what's hot in the Paris tourist shops.

Anita Shreve in Zurich

Last night, in the spirit of actually going out to one of those rare English language events in Zurich, I went to see the American author Anita Shreve read from her newest book, Testimony.

The book is about a sexual assualt that gets caught on tape and the consequences to all the lives involved as this gets revealed to the public. She wrote it from various viewpoints--from the young victim to the mother of one of the boys who did the assalting. She read a bit from each voice and it was interesting to watch how her demeanor changed as she switched from the rambling mother to the young girl.

After she read, she answered various questions. As was expected, the most complimentary questions came from the Americans while one Swiss woman told her she didn't like the way she wrote the voice of the girl. Ah, always the good critics, these Swiss.

Most interesting to me were her thoughts about writing. She writes from 7-12 almost every day and is able to write about so many various topics by simply imagining being all of her different characters. When she's not writing, she's reading.

Previous books I've read of hers included The Pilot's Wife and Where or When. I plan to start reading Shreve's A Wedding in December after I finish Liza Monroy's debut novel Mexican High.

For all those in Switzerland, the next English language reading coming up is from David Sedaris, one of my favorite writers. He'll be reading from his newest collection of essays "When You are Engulfed in Flames" on November 17. For tickets, visit the Orell Füssli website.

Paris Prices

Every time I go to Paris, I am reminded how expensive it is. I mean, I came back to Switzerland and was thinking, “$5 for a soda? What a great deal!”

I have written about dehydration in Europe before, as for some reason the cost of beverages is astronomical. I’ve tried to figure out the reason for this since I’ve been here.

My only real philosophy is that some Europeans’ idea of going out is to sit and have little one beverage. And they sit and sit and sit. Sometimes for hours. Sometimes for half a day. No one bothers them about leaving. No one rushes them. But the rest of us are paying the price.

In Paris we went to a tiny Vietnamese restaurant in the middle of nowhere in the 17th district. We just really had a taste for Vietnamese food and it was the closest place to our hotel. When we got there, we saw the prices, but were too tired to try to find anything else.

So we order $23 (17 EUR) plates of spicy ginger chicken, and then get stuck with no choice but to order an additionally overpriced beverage.

So we settled for two glasses of very non-alcoholic orange juice for the very alcoholic price of $8.50 a glass—and wouldn’t you know it, it wasn’t even fresh squeezed.

When the chicken arrived, I almost couldn’t believe it. I had never seen such a small portion of Vietnamese food in my entire life. It didn’t even come with rice. (That, we were informed was 12 EUR, or an extra $16 per person). Now if anything can make you miss the U.S., a meager sized, riceless plate of chicken will.

At that very moment, I longed for my country of excess consumption. For a place where after spending $70 for dinner (if that was even possible) I wouldn’t be going away hungry.

When asked if we wanted dessert, we shook our heads vehemently. It wasn’t that we weren’t sill hungry. It’s just that we were in the mood for something a little more reasonable. Like a 2 Euro street crepe. Sans boisson, of course.

Monet's Garden at Giverny

Here are a few photos from last weekend.

Giverny—the perfect day trip from Paris

After going to Paris for the fourth time, it was time to start exploring a bit outside the city. Since I’ve been wanting to see Monet’s garden and the weather cooperated, my husband and I took the train from Paris St. Lazare to Vernon (about 45 minutes, 25 Euro round-trip) and then rented bikes (12 Euro) from the café across from the train station and rode over the Seine for an easy (read: flat and paved) 3-mile path to Giverny. (There is also a bus that meets the trains, 4 Euro round trip).

Despite the tourists, Monet’s garden (entrance 5,50 Euro, open April-October) was beautiful. There were rows and rows of flowers higher than our heads, even in late September. The sun was so bright that it was hard to take photos, but I will post some soon.

The water lilies weren’t in bloom, but the lake in the Japanese garden, with its famous green bridges, was something to see, even if you had to do it by fighting tourists over a free space on the bridge to have your photo taken.

Monet’s pink, green-shuttered house overlooked it all. Waking up with those views must have been able to convert even someone like me into a morning person. Most of his rooms were painted a bright, turquoise blue, but his dining room was yellow and kitchen had royal blue tiling. He had many Japanese prints; these must have been an inspiration in his work.

But it all made me wonder who kept up the garden and where he got all this money. Apparently by the time he moved to Giverny in 1883, his dealer was able to start selling his paintings and so his fortunes increased around 1890 (at age 50) and he was able to buy the house and gardens that we visited, which opened to the public in 1980.

Other highlights in Giverny include:

The gardens at the American Art Museum. Each one was a different color scheme. My favorite was the yellow garden, followed by the white. They also had the famous haystacks in the grassy backyard.

The Hôtel Baudy is a great spot for a lunch break (About 15 Euro a plate, very fresh food, with entrees like warm goat cheese salad and duck omelets). They have a shady garden with outdoor seating. It used to be a meeting place for artists and there is still an old garden studio in the back.

Monet’s grave. The church in Giverny is currently being restored and is closed.

Watching America Fall from Afar

This morning when I came into work, a German employee greeted me with,

“Well, America’s really fallen apart now."

He is right. While I love my country and often try to stand up for my country, I can’t today. I am not proud to be an American right now.

It is a very sad thing, to not be excited about moving back to your country. But now, even though we miss family and friends terribly, we are looking at an opportunity to stay in Europe until 2011. And we really, how can we say no?

If we move back now, we won’t have time to recoup the money we were saving for a house. If we move back now, we’ll be subject to possibly another Republican White House. If we move back now, we’ll only be paid in dollars. The horror. At this point, airline miles might be better payment.

To depress me further, I watched the Couric/Palin interviews and compared them with the Saturday Night Live skit. It was hard to tell them apart. But the worst part was, to watch them online via the Huffington Post, I had to sit through a commercial.

This commercial was for the Discover Card. The voice-over said, “America is a country of consumerism. And that’s ok. Because there are so many great things to buy.” (Or something to that effect).

Wow. I mean really.

It’s time to take that commercial off the air, the internet or wherever else it runs. America’s in financial crisis and all we get preached to is to buy more on credit? America’s debt, country and individual is embarrassing and we don’t need commercials like this trying to make it worse. I have to say, I think credit card commercials should be as illegal as smoking commercials. They’re both killing us in different ways.

Sorry to be pessimistic right now, more happy things to come about our weekend in Paris. Perfect weather. Smoke free cafes. And Monet’s garden that was still overflowing with flowers even in late September. Yes, it’s easy to get caught up in the gloom, even from afar, but luckily there are still beautiful things in life. One of them being the ballot I have in my hand right now. It’s definitely time to vote from abroad.

The European Anti-Smoking Trend. Now in Paris and Zurich.

Paris is smoke-free now. Almost. There is no smoking allowed in cafes and restaurants and none allowed in our hotel either.

But now there are no sidewalks. All the smokers stand or sit outside at the cafes, so Paris just got ten times harder to stroll in. I guess there's no way for things to be perfect, and I'm not complaining, but boy, I don't know how many times I had to resort to stepping into the constantly wet and trashy gutters not to mention who knows how much gas is now wasted powering space heaters for all the additional cramped seating outside.

On the bright side, there was not as much dog poop around either, although the city still tends to smell like pee. But one thing at a time I guess.

There seemed to be less trash as well, although I noticed that very Parisian trend of people eating a snack and then throwing the wrappers on the ground is still alive and well.

Last night, while eating dinner in the Gare Est in Paris and waiting for our delayed (retard and not so vitesse after all) TGV train, there were announcements in French, English, and German that no smoking was allowed in the train station. This must have recently been decided, as there were signs on the tracks as well.

It was so wonderful. I could actually eat my sandwich without ingesting smoke at the same time. The air was so, so clear.

As anyone used to the main station in Zurich knows, this is something to relish.

And what do you know, I come home to find out that the Swiss voted to ban smoking in Zurich restaurants and cafes! I am overjoyed. I didn't think it would pass yesterday, so I even wrote that it didn't in my travel writing assignment that was due on Friday.

But the Swiss have surprised me for the better. Amazingly better. In Zurich, there were 168,780 total votes for the smoking ban, and 129,534 voted to stop the madness!

Now if they could just ban it in the main station life would be about perfect for the non-smoker.

I've Had Enough

One thing I’ve learned by living in Switzerland over the last two years, is that it’s good to have a line already prepared when people ask you about your language progress. Not only does a fancy one-liner make you sound practically fluent, but it also demonstrates a great interest for trying to understand the culture (even if your only real purpose in doing it is so people can’t talk behind your back at work).

Anyhow, mine is, “Ich lerne jeden Tag ein bisschen.” (I learn a little every day). Try it sometime and watch how impressed people are.

But I think this phrase really is true if one works in a German speaking office. You just start picking up little sayings you hear over and over again or that you read in e-mail.

A lot of what I’ve learned is marketing speak, which, while it’s helping my German, it’s not doing much good for my English. German phrases like “photo shooting” instead of the English “photo shoot” are really too close for comfort.

“Keep on rocking” is another great German phrase that appears in between other long indistinguishable collections of 15-letter words. And “one night stand” is also German, apparently.

But yesterday I learned my favorite office terminology yet. It is, “Es scheisst mich an.” Literally, it means, “It is shitting on me.” But the correct translation is, “I’ve had enough.”

Wow. This is one of the most useful, versatile phrases I’ve learned yet. And sadly, they just don’t teach these kind of things in German class, as they’re too concerned with how offensive it was that you referred to your computer as a girl instead of a boy to really teach anything useful.

But I digress. “Es scheisst mich an” is not just perfect for office use, but also for everyday expat life as well. For that scary letter from the Rathaus that you just can’t quite read. For that collection of people that have to light up even though they’re tightly surrounded by others on an escalator. And for that now molding food you just bought two hours ago.

Instead of ranting and raving in English, try your new German phrase to feel better fast. Or better yet, when the 10th person of the day asks you about your language progress, look them in the eye and give them a nice “Es scheisst mich an.”

Switzerland. Going to Pot?

My 73-year-old Swiss neighbor loves to rant about how Baden used to be a nice town but how, in the last few years, it’s become trashy, dangerous, and filled with foreigners.

Now all of this is relative, mind you. Yes, there is some trash on our front steps. But we live in the center of a town of 16,000. And I confirmed my suspicions about her: No, our neighborly Frau has never witnessed New York City.

Danger. Well, we did have a backpack stolen at the Baden swimming pool, and while I’d definitely consider that crime, dangerous it was not.

Foreigners. Yes, that’s me. And while I’m sorry to contribute to my neighbor’s lack of satisfaction with her country, I’d hardly consider myself a threat to the detriment of Swiss society.

But today I got a new perspective on things from a very different Swiss demographic—an 18-year old black Swiss kid from St. Gallen. According to him, St. Gallen used to be a nice town, but in the last five years, the entire train station is now filled with junkies, sometimes up to 20 of them.

Wow. I mean, I never knew Switzerland was on such a downward spiral. Trash. Danger. And now, Junkies. I may be innocent, but all I see are clean streets, expensive prices, and people dressed like a non-stop funeral procession. Maybe all this black fashion is also a new trend, a silent mourning for the good old days when people like me weren’t prowling the dangerous, trash-ridden streets. I don’t know. But if all you readers in Switzerland wouldn’t mind taking a look around you to double check and confirm that I’m not going completely mad in my observations, I’d appreciate it.

The User Manual, A Must Read

I share an office space with a Swiss colleague and in the middle of working today he had to call his landlord to report that his apartment building's washing machine was broken. The landlord wanted to know what kind of machine it was. My colleague said, “Just a moment,” and proceeded to go through a pile of papers on one of the bookshelves in the office, where he finally pulled out the washing machine and dryer instructions and reported that it was a Sunrise 5050.

Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t store a copy of my apartment’s washing machine’s user manual at my office. Maybe the Swiss ones are different and make for a great read, but somehow I doubt it since I’ve never had even the slightest desire to read one despite that fact that my building’s booklet sits on top of the washer and so we encounter each other at least once a week.

Even if one of the language choices were English, which is not the case, I wouldn’t read a user manual. But this very phenomenon is very upsetting to my Swiss colleague. When I asked him why he had the instruction booklets at work, he said it was to make copies of it for all the people in his building and personally deliver them.

“They don’t read it, even though it sits on top of the washer,” he said angrily. “Then they put powder where the liquid should go and vice versa.”

I didn’t know what to say, only to tell him that I had done that exact misdemeanor. But luckily my Swiss neighbor had corrected me right away with my very own laundry lesson in two languages not including English.

All I can say is, I’m impressed. The Swiss love rules and regulations so much they read entire user manuals to make sure they use something properly. This is really an accomplishment that perhaps no other culture embraces so wholeheartedly.

Swiss Transport. Catch it if you can.

As most people know, the Swiss transportation network is very efficient. But it wasn’t until my father-in-law visited a few weeks ago that I realized sometimes, it’s almost too efficient.

For example, trains, buses, boats, and some cable cars are scheduled so that you hardly have to wait to connect from one to the next. This is fine for healthy people with no luggage. But add some luggage, a health problem, a baby, or all three, and you have problems.

For example, coming back from Rigiklum to Baden involved a train, a cable car, a boat, and two more trains. From the cable car to the boat, it was marked as a 10 minute walk. Well yes, without luggage and a health problem, it is a brisk 10 minute walk. But for some of our guests, it was a 15 minute walk. And so we missed our connecting boat.

Luckily there was another boat in an hour, it was a nice day, and there was a café nearby. So it was an enjoyable wait. But for example, this could have been the last boat of the day or we could have been in a rush, and then we really would have been in trouble.

The thing is, the way the transport system is built, it allows for no imperfections, transport or human. And realistically this is flawed because in the scheme of things, something is bound to break down, be it mechanical or in an older American’s situation, physical.

But if you look at most older Swiss people, they are really in shape. They climb mountains, eat 10 pounds of cheese without putting on weight, and beat young Americans in races (but then again, it’s no wonder—they’ve been running after Swiss trains since they were toddlers). Perhaps a friend put it best (a 38-year-old American tri-athlete), “I beat a 60-year old Swiss guy in the last 10k, it was a real accomplishment.”

For those who aspire to lesser goals, just keeping up with the Swiss transportation connections will usually involve enough athleticism for the day. Especially with anything other than yourself and an optimal level of fitness.

Say "Ja" to to the Rauchverbot

I love this ad that ran today in Blick am Abend, the local freebie paper that all the commuters in Switzerland read. The headline reads, "Criminalizing the Smoker?" The copy says something to the effect of, "The Canton of Zurich wants to create a total smoke free city. We believe banning things doesn't help. We rely on common sense. It's absurd that the government wants to control all our rights."

It pictures lots of things being banned--cars, drinking, dogs, bikes, smoke, and the best--questions. You get an idea for how regulated and rule-driven Swiss life is from this one little ad.

But what's really absurd is that most of the rules in Switzerland are petty. Things like, don't flush your toilet after 10pm. Don't do your laundry on Sunday. No shopping on Sunday, etc. etc.

Anyhow, this ad wants to get people to vote "no" on banning smoking in Zurich. The vote is on September 28. The last vote on this issue, held last year, failed to ban smoking.

So what I find absurd about all of this is that when it comes to things that effect health--proven, scientific research that second-hand smoke kills--this is the one rule that the Swiss just can't seem to pass. My dog must attend mandatory obedience class. Trash is strictly regulated. But my health is not.

It's absurd that I have no choice but to have smoke blown in my face every morning at the train station. It's absurd that my clothes have gotten little holes in them from cigarette ashes blowing on me as I try to board a train. It's absurd that a country so in love with rules can't pass the one that matters more than almost all of them.

If smokers keep their "rights," then what about non-smokers rights? I already gave up on eating out, think twice about going for a drink because that will also involve a shower, and hold my breath for as long as possible at the smokestack that is the main train station.

So while I wouldn't say we should criminalize smokers, as this ad claims, we non-smokers should have the right to breath something other than someone else's habit. I have nothing against designated smoking areas, I just want to step off a train and be able to breathe. Is that so much to ask? Come on Switzerland, if Italy can do it, anyone can.

Visit for the Names

Some people come to Switzerland for the Alps. Some come for the chocolate. But I am recommending coming for the strange names.

After all, there's not much more pleasure to be found in travel than coming across the name of a city and thinking, ha, can you believe it? Imagine entire zip codes and not to mention mountain ranges with a word you can't stop laughing about.

In Switzerland, you could take your photo at the train station in "Buttikon". Or proudly at the top of the "Titlis" mountain. The options are endless.

Think how much more highly you'll think of your own hometown when you find out you could have grown up in Bubikon instead.

And if you've had your fill of places, you could always shop for some Schmuck.

A few posts back, I talked about avoiding Lucerne when touring Switzerland. But there is one exception and that is if you go for the Gutsch Hotel. It's just another one of those Swiss names that means something special to all those English speakers out there not to mention the many more that are just waiting for you to make them famous in America.

The Bread Oven Room

As we are planning a short trip to Paris with possibly a to visit Monet's Garden (my idea of course), I have been looking for places to stay in the Vernon area, which is 45 minutes outside of Paris. This email is one of the best I've ever received from a B&B. It helps if you have a small knowledge of French. Here is is the reply I received last night:

Dear XXX

Thank you for your message,
I have the bread oven room available for the 2 nights.
The price is 80 euros per night for 2 persons included breakfast.
I wait for your confirmation.

Sincerely.
Mrs Pain


In case you're still wondering what the heck is so funny, it's the name, Mrs Pain (which means "bread" in French), commenting about her bread oven room. I almost feel like I'm part of a fairy tale here, maybe a French version of Hansel and Gretel would be most appropriate.

Cleaning up after the Visitors

Whenever my mother-in law visits, she always freaks out about the amount of light in our apartment and what, more importantly, that light is doing to our living room furniture. So a few hours into her visit, our fine living room will look like a bunch of two-year olds have built forts, with mismatched blankets covering everything to prevent it from fading.

Unfortunately, she's been gone for a week, and thus the blankets have all been put away. So wouldn't you know it, I open the door just a crack for a few minutes to get some fresh air in here and we get another, less welcome visitor. This visitor has no shame and poops on both chairs and the carpet before trying to commit suicide by flying into glass. I finally trick him into leaving by throwing bread crumbs out the door. But he has done his damage to naturally everything but the easy-to-clean tile floor.

Since my husband is never around when shit happens, I decide what cleaning approach to go with this time as you long-time readers know, I am no stranger to poop in my living room. Since the Swiss are really fond of home cleaning treatments, and vinegar especially, I decide to try it, because who really knows clean better than the Swiss Hausfrau who cleans on average for 53 hours a week.

So I wipe some vinegar around with some paper towels and call it a day. After another day in Switzerland, I'm pooped. Literally.

The Sixty Dollar McDonald's Dinner

The last night our visitors were here, we were all tired and weary from the Swiss Transportation Breakdown (see previous post) and my husband and I, now having been hosts for 10 nights, were in no mood to cook. So my mother-in-law offered to treat everyone to McDonald's. Little did she know exactly how nice her offer really was going to be.

Granted, it was dinner for six. And even from a grocery store, sixty dollars might not cover any kind of home-cooked meal in Switzerland involving meat. But still. How many Americans have spent sixty dollars at a McDonald's for a few Big Macs, a Happy Meal, and some sodas? Granted the ketchup packets added a dollar or two.

But at these prices, the paper napkins felt a bit silly. For an $11 Big Mac Meal, shouldn't we break out the cloth napkins and wear our Sunday best? I mean come on, McDonalds. Have a little class. A chandelier and some mood lighting might be in order too.

Needless to say, we were celebrated in another way. All the locals really got their fill of the "real" experience that night, surrounded by us loud Americans. And what else could they want (besides real a crystal glass to put their $5 soda in)? They wanted Americana and they got it. At a really nice price too.

God Bless America

I don't know if any of you have had time to watch the interviews with Charles Gibson and Sarah Palin, but I am so, so scared. By the way, the interviews are on YouTube if you haven't seen them. I think these articles in the NYT's best summed up my feelings:

The New York Times Piece: Gov. Palin's Worldview

The New York Times Piece: She's Not Ready

Please help convince other Americans to save us from this stupidity. I fear our complete demise in world respect happening after watching these interviews. "You can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska" is no way to give an answer about international policy. "Not blinking at all" when making a decision to invade a foreign country? Are you kidding me? You better blink 1,000,000 times before starting a war. This woman is Bush in another form. I also loved "We need to give women more options" by undoing Roe vs. Wade. How exactly does that give us more options???

Oh yeah, and John McCain, Internet dunce. He "doesn't have a need for the Internet". In the 21st century you want to be a leader and don't care about technology? Sorry. Not to mention, you picked a woman like Palin to be the runner-up to the Presidency? What does this say about your judgement? Who else will you end up appointing when you're in office?

As you know, I usually don't get so involved in politics like this, but I just can't quite believe this. This is the Republican's answer to change? Ha. I want a woman in office as bad as any other woman out there, but to wave this kind of chance so irresponsibly in our faces is just awful. I hate the Republicans even more for playing this card. I hope other Americans see through this too, it seems the rest of the world can. I want to come back to the U.S. sometime soon. But I don't know if I can bring myself back if they are in office.

I'm interested in your reactions as well.

The Ultimate Swiss Souvenir

After being a tourist two times in Switzerland and then living here myself, I've seen my share of souvenir offerings. Swiss army knives. Cow bells. Fondue pots. And hundreds of various forms of chocolate.

I've watched visitors stock up on Heidi and Peter Christmas market ornaments, gingerbreads in the shape of santa and cheese plates in the shape of Switzerland. But the ultimate Swiss souvenir, as was bought a week ago by a recent visitor, has to be the Swiss toilet paper holder.

"I'll never be able to go back to the inferior American design after this," the happy purchaser of a shiny new chrome Swiss toilet paper holder exclaimed.

"And the best part is, you'll be reminded of your travels abroad at least three times a day," chimed in an approving family member.

Clearly, there are great benefits to this product, including the fact that it makes ripping your desired amount of toilet paper easy not to mention prevents the embarassment of unrolling an entire roll of TP without meaning to. And think of the envy that having this amazing souvenir will create.

If Swiss tourism rises in the next few years, I'm sure they'll credit the new marketing campaign. But I, I'll just laugh, and start my own line of TP holders featuring the Swiss cross and sell them directly to the souvenir stores.

When in Switzerland, Skip Lucerne

Don’t get me wrong, Lucerne (or Luzern) is a beautiful Swiss city, but every time I go there, I can’t wait to leave. It’s just so overrun with tourists in the summers that it has lost all its charm. Buses full of Americans, Germans, Japanese and Italians take over the city. And let’s be honest, people walking around holding metal poles topped with colored tassels to herd groups of tourists is just not a Swiss tradition (but you can bet the making money part of it is). One of my visitors asked if this was my favorite Swiss city, but the real truth is, with all the camera-toting, tassel-waving humanity there, it will never make the top ten (except to maybe take a photo of the Gutsch Hotel). No, my list of The Top 10 Swiss Cities No One Visits will come soon in what I’m learning in my travel writing class, is called a Round-Up article.

I am Repair Man. Do what I say!

I am really getting fed up with Serivcetechnikers (repairmen). They barely give us any notice (or maybe our Wincasa apartment managers are to blame—which wouldn’t surprise me) before not asking, but demanding entrance to our apartment to do things like play with our radiators for hours at a time.

Last night our neighbor informed us (they never talk to us directly...) that they would like to work on our apartment on Friday at 10. Well, this wasn’t going to work, as both my husband and I work. (Imagine that, no housefrau at home!)

So I called up, after plotting my conversation ahead of time in German, and politely told them Friday wouldn’t work, and could they come on Monday instead, when I could clear my schedule to be home.

“No,” was the curt German reply, “we have to do it this afternoon or Friday.” Well too bad for you, I thought, maybe next time you should plan ahead.

I told him I worked in Zurich and couldn’t be there this afternoon. And my husband had meetings all day and couldn’t just leave at their demand to open a door. Then he said I had to leave my key with the neighbor so he could have entrance for tomorrow.

The thing is, since we were victims of theft a month ago, we’re a little cautious right now, especially since we found out the police aren’t open when you need them, nor are they at any way helpful in dealing with crime.

The other factor is that house keys are so expensive (imagine that, something expensive in Switzerland) to replace that insurance companies won’t even cover them.

But alas, apparently we have no choice in the matter. The customer (or renter) is never right in Switzerland, so I know there’s no hope in changing things. Which only means, sometimes I really just want to go home. But when you live in an overpriced, terribly managed apartment building, where is that?

Surviving the Schwietzerdütsch Meeting

Before he began, the CEO looked at me as if for approval to start speaking to the office in German. And who am I to stop him from speaking his own language? So I nod and say it’s ok. Then he looks at another German employee for approval and says, “Schweizerdütsch?” She too says ok, even though she probably meant, “heaven help me”. Needless to say, with this unfortunate development of not just German, but Swiss German, I understood only about 30% (as opposed to my high German understanding of about 70%). When it comes to trying to learn languages in Switzerland, I've come to one conclusion: you just can't win.

So my version of the meeting was limited to things like, “we’re going to have one main receptionist for both Zurich and Geneva”, “my door is always open”, “this person, this person, this person, and this person all quit this month”, and “we’re getting a new creative director in October. And he’s a German.” Needless to say, I was very proud of this much comprehension, as I thought I’d come away with only a few ands, buts, and bads.

Luckily, here and there, during other times like lunch, random employees fill me in by complaining—“can you believe he wants us to tell him what we did to grow our client’s business every Monday from now on?”

So little by little, I guess I’ll find out what really happened at the meeting and what I’m supposed to be doing through the old-fashioned method of discovering I didn’t do it. But after over two years of these kinds of experiences, while it still doesn’t get any easier to feel like a 2-year-old, at least I have an answer when asked how the meeting was. I smile and break out my very excellent Swiss German with a hearty, “Eschgutzee.”

Gandria, a little piece of Italy in Switzerland

Gandria is a fishing village that hangs on a cliff over Lake Lugano an easy 30-minute boat ride away from Lugano. It's winding, narrow streets are charming and the food at Ristorante Antico even more so. A bonus is you can walk from Gandria back to Lugano via an "Olive Path", a beautiful, easy trial that winds along the lake and offers great views and history of olives as you walk.

The Swiss Transportation Disaster

Swiss transportation has a reputation for being perfect. And usually it is, or very close to it. But Sunday was a complete disaster. In one way, this was very satisfying, to see the perfect Swiss in such a mess. In another, standing in the rain while Swiss-German speaking people pushed in front of all the polite English and laid back Italian people to get on a single bus was not. We stood in the rain while other train loads of people from trains that arrived after ours cut in front of us as different buses pulled up to take us on the section the train could not, delaying our entire journey a total of two hours.

But let me explain the day. We took the 12.09 train from Lugano to Zurich because it was direct and my husband and I were traveling with (they dubbed it themselves) the "Medicare Mecca". (In other words, four people over the age of 60). These people couldn't walk fast on a regular day, not to mention they had luggage. So we tried the easiest possible route to Baden which would involve one change only in Zurich.

We got all comfortable and then the train stopped in Biasca. We were all told to get off the train to go meet buses because the trains couldn't get through. But they didn't tell us ahead of time, so there was no time to use the bathroom or eat a sandwich in the comfort of the train. Instead, we all stood outside in the cold rain while one bus took the people fast enough to get on it away to the town of Aiorlo (sp?), a half hour ride away.

As we stood, six people, the Medicare Mecca, trying to stay together and drag luggage (not to mention find bathrooms), people pushed and barged in front of us even though their train arrived later as bus after bus pulled up leaving us in the rain for at least 45 minutes. We met a nice Italian girl from Verona, also amazed by the pushy Swiss people and lack of transport. There was no line. There was no organization. It was awful. I thought we'd be standing there all day. I was ready to give out numbers to these people.

I started to shiver because I had worn my train outfit (shorts and t-shirt) since trains have a reputation for being hot. Finally I told my Medicare Mecca that they had to be mean and pushy and charge towards the next bus or we'd be there all day. And they did! I was very proud. They pushed and shoved the Swiss people like they'd been doing it for two years like me. It was very brave of them as this was completely out of character not to mention physical prowess.

So we took the half hour bus to Airolo, tried to figure out which train was going to Zurich (no signs, no conductors helping). We dragged all the luggage onto one train and hoped for the best. It turned out to be right, but we had to change again in Arth Goldau to meet the connecting train.

When we arrived in Arth Goldau, there were hundreds of people already waiting for the train, and we had no choice but to get on in first class, where the train stopped where we were standing. There was no way to get to any part of the train except where we were there were so many people and luggage, so we sat in first class. My husband yelled at a Swiss man who said a seat was reserved even though it clearly wasn't. A Medicare Mecca member clubbed someone with her umbrella who wouldn't move out of the way. It was all in good Swiss fun. Luckily no conductor could make it through to find out us second class citizens were in first class and charge us all 80 francs each. Blah.

In Zurich we changed again to Baden and got home about 5.30. What a day. So we drank champagne and ate Big Macs and finally went to bed happy.

A new global leader needed

I don’t really like to write about politics, but since my in-laws are here and like watching TV, we have had some American TV on through our connection with the Slingbox. They’ve got some of the Republican convention on, mainly stupid discussions about everything except the real issues. The last point that was brought up before we turned it off was about the fact that the Republican VP nominee, Sarah Palin, doesn’t have a passport. (And it was reported that only 27% of Americans have one.) Wow. But still. This may seem like another small picky thing, but to me, after living abroad, I think it’s huge.

This is a global world. You don’t understand your own country or know what it means to be an American until you go elsewhere. You can’t understand how the rest of the world sees Americans or America until you hear it from them personally and read their newspapers. Just today, we heard from a German woman living in Switzerland (who lived in the US for 10 years) about how she couldn’t believe one man (W. Bush) could do so much damage. When asked if she’d ever go back to live in the US, she said, “no, it’s really gone downhill.”

To be fair, Palin’s got five kids not to mention a big job, so maybe she didn’t have time in the last ten years to travel abroad. But if you are training to be a global leader, you should have an interest in the rest of the world.

To me it feels like McCain picked her to get all the people wanting a woman in the White House in order to stick it to the dems. But that makes me not like him all the more. Don’t get me wrong, I want a woman in the White House as much as any other American woman. But it’s got to be the right one for the right reasons. I guess I’m a little tired of a campaign that’s all about if we’re black or white, woman or man. What happened to picking the right person based on their credentials and what they believe?

Next Stop, Bubikon

In my travels in Switzerland, I have found at least three names of Swiss cities that are humorous to Americans (and I am not making them up). Here they are:

1. Bubikon
2. Buttikon
3. Weggis

And there you have it.

Reliving Switzerland

So the in-laws and two other family members came to visit on Friday, two of them hadn't ever been to Switzerland before. So it's been fun seeing Switzerland through their eyes. On Saturday we enjoyed Baden--visited the farmer's market, the flea market, the beer garden and then we made fondue. On Sunday we headed to Lucerne, took the boat to Vitznau, the train up to Rigi Klum and then a cable car down to Weggis. It was a great taste of Switzerland for people that have never seen it and I'd recommend the trip for visitors. The picture above is of the cable car ride down to Weggis.